Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
Had a good weekend - kids and I left on Friday, and we just stayed up late Friday night yakking. Saturday we got up and had a big breakfast, then went roller skating. I skated for 2 hours, and my feet let me know it! Then we had 22 family members that went to eat, and it was crazy! But a good time, and good food. After that it was straight to the circus, and we had really good seats. I bought the kids a couple of ridiculously expensive toys - I never got stuff like that, so I figured I would spoil them.
Sunday I went to church with my Mom and Dad - and then we had a HUGE meal. D8 had like 6 helpings of mashed potatoes and corn. I don't know where she put it since she's about as big around as a toothpick. So, all in all, it was a great time!
W actually texted me and wished me a happy birthday - I was sort of surprised she even remembered.
So, the weirdest thing:
Didn't hear from W all weekend, except for the birthday text - but we were driving home Sunday night, and W sent me a picture of some Jesus figurine that she boughtin a bookstore. Just randomly. She has not sent me anything like that in 2 weeks - after I rejected her previous attempts to be conversational. You all know how she dropped being a Christian and turned into this sort of agnostic thing-a-ma-jig. So, she said she was going to put "Jesus" in her purse, and if people were mean to her, she was going to pull him out and say, "I have something you need."
So I joked with her a bit, and then left her with the last word.
So I came home, and was cleaning and trying to do laundry - etc - and she kept calling the house phone. It is messed up, and my cell phone was upstairs, so I finally answered it, and she started telling me about some desk she found that someone was just throwing away. She said she didn't have room for it, and wanted to see if I wanted it, because it was just like the desk the kids have.
Well, that's just odd, but anyway. So, I was talking to her on the phone, and I looked outside, and she was sitting in our driveway! So, I was like "Are you in our driveway?" And she was. So weird.
So I ran outside to get the desk, and she just sort of came in the house. Weird - hasn't come in the house for probably 5-6 weeks. She started talking to me about how she broke her toe tripping over the dog, and she needed to study cause she got her worst grade ever on a test (C-) and so on. She asked to see the kitchen, and just went on and on about it, about how great it looked. She kept looking at me too - I didn't even really look at her, but was polite.
I dunno - it was so odd. We have been praying really really hard - and I have such a hard time figuring if I should be patient and let God work, or if I should continue to take a hard line - and press her for the dissolution, or what.
I'm no clearer now than I was, but luckily I got to have an awesome weekend in between!
I feel really great - focused, working through things in life. Biz partner and I are discussing continuing the partnership and so on. We are blessed because we are super busy... Every night this week, I have something planned. Our first big bowling bash on Thursday - pool the next week, basketball on Monday nights, and so on.
Again, I have to wonder if my "new life" is sinking on on W - plus I'm sure that prayer is working, and maybe if I just hang in there. But then again, the other part of me bristles in the fact that she is still doing "something" with OM - but I dunno.
Welcome Back! Sounds like a great weekend. Still confused though - join the club. I thought it might help you to set up some small goals/steps or that you expect will either bring you closer to a decision or encourage your W to be motivated to work on the M. That way you have specific information to help you see things objectively. When I first started DBing, i actually made a list of small behavior changes I expected to see and every contact I would check off Y or N to that behavior. That way I could see a pattern and be more objective about what I was seeing. For example, one goal was to be able to talk and not argue - so everytime we had contact I checked it off Y or N. After a few weeks I could see that 2 out 3 times, we could talk without arguing - so it wasn't completely different but I could see the change. People are often reluctant to make changes so when making steps, take into consideration, what steps you would expect to see or hear that she is wanting to work on the R or not.
Relax tonight, you aren't going to figure it out now anyway -not worth feeling confused already.
{{{JD}}}} Sounds like you had a GREAT weekend and that it was just what you needed!! I'm so glad
Dunno what to say about your wife sitch, definitely would have thrown me for a loop too if I were you. I would just say keep on with what you think you should do my friend!!
Tawnya
Me:39 H:40 D18/S12 M20/T21 Bomb 10/11/08 One Two Three Four
Tread lightly with your W's attention. It may be sincere, but then again she may be tugging the rope tighter again. She may have felt you drifting by your independence and happiness and doesn't want you that far away yet until she figures out what she is doing.
I wouldn't do anything....just wait and see.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
Glad to hear you had a great weekend! Sounds like you had a lot of fun with your family.
It's good that your W is showing interest in being friends again. But I agree with SO2, you should be cautious about overreacting. You'll have to figure out where to draw the line if she is still involved with OM. For me, I know that I have absolutely nothing to say to xBF unless and until he says and proves that it's over with OW. I am taking a hard line and it's definitely easier than walking a fine line like you're doing. All I can do is suggest that what you've been doing seems to be working so I would keep it up, but ultimately you know what's best for your sitch.
If you love somebody, set them free. http://tinyurl.com/2empx2g
Thanks for popping in! I appreciate the caution, and I will absolutely heed it. Honestly, I've gotten so good at ignoring "false positives" that if W came in right now and threw herself on me, I'd be like, "Waaaaaaait a minute."
I wonder how many people right NOW are flipping out with Facebook being down? Probably so many people are realizing they have kids, books, dirty laundry to do!
So, the weirdness just continues on...
I went to S6's basketball practice. W takes him, and I just come up to watch him - I really enjoy it. So, I sort of didn't know what to do. I have been VERY dark for a month, and I haven't decided on continuing or not.
I walked in, and just waved at S6, and noticed W was sitting by herself up in their bleachers. I went up and sat by her, and had some dorky thing to say to sort of "break the ice." I got up there, and she was having some heated conversation on her phone.
So, I sort of sat down and felt like a dork - remember the last time this happened, I sat at the other end, and actually the last time we really "saw" each other was when I walked out with the kids two weeks before.
So, she talked for about 5 more minutes, then hung up at about quarter after. She then took a deep breath, and pretty much talked without stopping for the next 45 minutes! I figure I probably said a total of 5 sentences. She just went on and on about her work, and school, and all that.
I sort of sat there, stunned. She acted like we had been best buddies for a long time. So, at the end, I got up to leave, and was talking to D8, and W asked what I was doing. I said I had to go work in a town a ways away. She said, "Hah! We are going to Chipotles!" I just said, "Yum." So I hugged kids, and left - didn't look back.
So I was driving, and on a whim, I texted W, and pretended to tell her what I wanted on my burrito. She texted me back, "Really? You coming?"
I texted back that I couldn't because I needed to get working - figured I'd be up til midnight as it was. She asked me if I had eaten anything for dinner.
So, she didn't say anything for awhile, and then she texted me, "How far away are you?"
I said I was too far - 20 minutes, and I was just kidding around. She didn't say anything back, but I was stunned.
She was going to BRING me Chipotle. I don't think she's offered to do anything like that in 4-5 months probably - at LEAST before Thanksgiving.
What a weird, weird day. Don't get worried, I'm not reading anything into this yet, except veeeeeery odd.
Yes, I agree it's all very odd! I just love your response to her invitation (in disguise) with "Yum!", then leave!! LOL!!!
About your earlier post, I was gonna say that we (LBS's) all seem to get hung up on progressing the R one way or another. When my W sent me that long email saying that I was "looking great and probably ready to date", I told her that I am not waiting around, but I am progressing my life in every single way except starting a new R with someone. And that's just because I am not interested in a new R right now. I am concentrating on spending time with my boys. I know I will be happy again in the future one way or another, with my W or someone else, but right now I don't need a new R.
The point I am trying to make here is that I remember reading a post from you saying basically the same, that you are not interested in a new R. In that case, there's no need to push your M in any direction, towards dissolution or reconciliation. Just concentrate on carrying on in every single other aspect of your life. You don't need to decide right now on what to do.
{{{JD}}} I guess I'd really be confused if I were you, but I'm glad you are smart enough to be like "WAIT a minute" LOLOL!! I still say just watch and see, which it sounds like you are doing!
Hope you didn't end up working all night and got a good night's sleep my friend
Tawnya
Me:39 H:40 D18/S12 M20/T21 Bomb 10/11/08 One Two Three Four
