marc, I still think you have too much contact with your wife. Even if it's about trivial business, taxes, etc. Stop all of it. You have nothing to lose at this point so why not try it.
From her point of view, she can have you at any time she wants you and she knows it. The term is "conquered", and nobody wants something they can have easily like that. You wear your heart on your sleeve all the time, she knows you love her, she has seen you cry for her recently, etc. You present no real challenge to her, there is nothing attractive in what you are doing.
You should have tried the LRT a long time ago. Detach, go dark, no communications: no email, no texts, no phone calls, etc. Make yourself unavailable, get a life, do something other than think about her.
What advantage do you present to her right now at this moment over the OM? You don't appear strong to me, you still talk about the relationship with her (ie. we still have time left to turn this around before the divorce goes through).
I know this is hard, it's the hardest thing you will ever go through, I'm sure of it but this isn't the time to crumble and be weak - it's the time to stand tall and be strong, act as if you are even if you aren't.
And stop taking 100% responsibility for the failure of this relationship!!! Relationships are a dual responsibility, you were half of the relationship, she wasn't perfect, stop believing that and start standing up for yourself. If you really believe raising your voice is a reason for someone to cheat on their spouse, you are mistaken - there is never a reason to cheat on your spouse, put that in your head and remember it. Resentment breeds entitlement, she wasn't happy with something so to teach you a lesson, she goes and does something she knew/knows is going to hurt you alot: cheating on you.
Take the image of your wife down from the pedestal, back down to earth on the level ground you are standing on and see her eye to eye. She isn't worse than you, she isn't better than you, she doesn't deserve for you to kiss the ground that she walks on - start valuing & respecting yourself more than you currently do - people will only love & respect someone who loves & respects themselves. You don't sound like your self-esteem is anywhere near where it needs to be right now. Start working on this for your benefit and start doing it today - in the end the person you have to take care of most is yourself.
