T2, You have summed up all my own fears and hesitations by explaining your own. Wo, our sitchuations are SO similar, excpet one thing. My h has not talked about coming home. I asked him once if he thoght he would,and he said "maybe" in a positive voice. That's a step up from "I can't live with things the way they were",or "nothing's really changed." UGHHHH! I got SO sick of hearing that. What has changed our R is me not bringing up any R talks at all. Our times together are positive and controversy free. Hey it's working and things continue to get better. BOY, do I understand your fear of him coming home. You are still working through alot of feelings, and it will take a LONG time to rebuild trust. 2 times my H came home too soon. Neither of us were ready as the R was on such shakey ground. He was still detoxing I think from OW, and I was still angry, hurt, and disappointed. I tried to hide it, but it came out-all my insecurities. He knew I didn't trust him. There was still tension between us. As much as I want him back home I know we have to be furhter along than we are right now. That's ok. We're moving in the right direction. I'm so like you in my desire to have it all RIGHT NOW, and I have the same fear that things will never be "normal" again. Will I ever completely trust or forgive him? I think it will tak a long time of seeing his actions tell me that he is where he wants to be. If he came back and was distant, or indifferent to me, I don't think I could take it. That's how he was last time he came back and I pretty much asked himto leave. I hated walking on eggshells and wondering what the hell was going on in his mind. You may be further along. Your H may be ready to come back without all that baggagge they have to work through. Personally, asmuch as I long for my H to be home,Iknow that only way we will be happy is if neither of us is still carrying around all the baggagge. Time, I'm afraid is the only thing for that. I've seem it somany times on here where the H comes home and they have to live with all the things they were living with before he moved back. Personally,its too much pressure for me. but that's me. I already went through this enough times that I know what I DON'T want. I think we'll both know when it's time. Until then,I am happy the way thinbgs are progressing. I wish you all the best! Rachael
