To the mother ship: WHEN DO I GET MY HUSBAND BACK?

[Sanderika]

TCBTE good morning to you too....

I took all the blame in my marriage failure. I know he was to blame as well. In the MLC part of his world (which he will not admit he is having) he placed all the blame on me until I believed it through to my core. It is just now that he is starting to admit things like: I could have been more attentive and giving. I know I was not always here for you. I know I was selfish....and the like.

I realized for a long time I believed what he was saying so I would defend myself to him and then one day I decided I was not going to take that anymore.

I have worked very hard to overcome depression and become me again. I am a wonderful person and very remarkable for having taken on my recovery alone and I parent alone and take care of my home alone. I am not a slouch and I do what I need to do.

The last time he tried to blame me for everything I told him I would not defend myself to him ever again. I would not defend my actions for anything I do to him ever again. This was several months ago now (back when he filed for the D). I went further and told him I was me again and I liked myself and was very proud of how I handle things and take care of everything. I also told him I thought I was quite a catch for someone. To that he agreed.

Like I wrote to BND above, my H admitted he had to leave but he also admits he didn't have to find OW. It just happened. I would be dumber than a rock to believe that this OW doesn't mean something to my H. I only hope that me, son and our almost 30 years together (minus the past few) still have a place in his heart and he is realizing it's way to much to lose for her.

I think like you I have devoted my life to H and the life we have made together and it is just so hard to let go of. I don't want to let go I guess. I don't think my H can either though. If he can't, what's stopping/keeping him from returning? Perhaps this just takes a lot of time and patience.

I do know we would not still be talking and such if I had not treated him well during all of this. Perhaps that too is foolish and it will certainly be if this does come to a D. I have come to realize that I will have to never ever see, talk, hear him ever again if I am to ever get over him and have a life without him in it.

I also don't understand how someone can spend 25-30 years or longer with someone and then leave them just like they never knew them. I also do not know how someone can turn so cold. I have to think it's how they justify their OW and their shame and guilt.

I have to believe you are a wonderful person. You are important and valued. Do not think for a minute that you are anything less. You are a mother to some, family to others and friend to many...YES, you are wonderful!!!!

Please take care...I wish you well....

Sanderika