You know Amy, reading your thread and your reply to my post helped me see something.
I blame myself in my sitch because I was so depressed that I made my h's life so difficult. And people keep telling me that I did the best I could with the tools I had at the time and that my intent wasnt to hurt him.
Now, reading your post where you say if only you werent so self-centered and ignorant, I am understanding what people are telling me.
You did the best you could at the time and your intent was not to hurt him. You were going through something you had no control over, no understanding of.
I think you still have a way to go to completely forgive yourself. But it is something you must do to move through this whole. Something you have to do for your h, but ultimately, for yourself.
You have soul-searched and walked the walk. You have faced your demons and have come out the other side. So I reiterate that you deserve a chance.
Let your h know, without a doubt, that no matter what happens regarding your marriage, you will not leave his life again.
