WOW i cant believe she just today noticed I took the change out of the change jar. If it was alive it would have bit her every day she walked past it. Man was she pissed!! I was calm validated her feelings. And told her This was not the place to talk about it. We had other people around and she wanted to talk about it right there. She kept insisting and me being calm and stating I would prefer to talk later really pissed her off more. She was mad cause I did not ask her. That is what she said. I explained she knows I was not stealing it and would have given her half. She still says its because I did not ask.
Now she left 4 hours ago to take a trip to our her sons house that would have easily been a 2 and a half hour trip. She was mad at me when she left. I know I have to quit worrying about where she goes and how long she is gone, but its hard.
Me 41 W 44 Together 7 years Married 6 Bomb Dec 2 08
She didn't care about your feelings, she went out all night and stayed out the whole night, didn't come home at all.
Seriously, I hate to say it but going out all night and staying out all night, she may have been with the other man you were mentioning about.
Go back & read your posts, do you realize the amount of emotional investment you have in this relationship and she couldn't care less. When you do realize this and start to detach.
Who knows what the correct response would have been to that. When I wasn't the way I am now, I would have been extremely jealous & pissed mad, probably would have thrown her belongings into the front yard and told her to move out.
You are too attached, you don't seem able to detach, reading your posts it seems like that won't happen for quite some time which is unfortunate, that is alot of pain to shoulder during this process.
How has the weekend gone thus far, did you guys argue over that money in the jar? How much are we talking about anyways that she got all angry over it?
Plus she could be getting angry over the money in that jar to throw attention away from her being out all night.
The real way to have handled that money jar argument was to be silent, give her the silent treatment. Don't respond calmly, don't do anything.
Don't reward her $hitty behavior & attitude with your attention, when you reward spoiled bratty behavior with your attention, it tells them to continue acting that way because you will continue giving her attention - stop that.
I agree with robx. You are so emotionally involved in what she's doing, you're forgetting about yourself. Staying up all night fretting is not good for you, neither mentally nor physically. Focus on taking care of your self. Give yourself the attention instead of focusing it all on her.
How has the weekend gone thus far, did you guys argue over that money in the jar? How much are we talking about anyways that she got all angry over it?
She doesn't care about the amount, it could have been $20 or $500 the amount would not have mattered. Her problem is I did not ask or let her know. This will just give her another reason. Cause this stems back to no communication in her eyes.
as far as how the weekend went. She seems to be dark herself. unless it is a logistical matter. She does not talk to me unless Something needs to be done and she WILL NOT initiate talk 90% of the time. And last time I went dark she complained I was hot and cold.
Like right now she is still out and I know she is no longer at her sons house. So I have not a clue. I am sure she is with om.
Last edited by noedphi; 03/02/0904:31 AM.
Me 41 W 44 Together 7 years Married 6 Bomb Dec 2 08
did she ask you for permission to start seeing another man?
- double standards, if she wants better communication she has to be the better communicator, she can't set a standard for you that she can't follow herself.
as for the rest of your post, do you see how going dark works? Do you see how no contact works? If you don't, you are surely missing the point.
She is doing it to you and it's like drawing a moth to the flame. You are attracted to her, you are irresistably drawn toward her even though she is doing things that are wrong to you.
Why? Because she is limiting contact. She isn't communicating. She is going dark. And you... you can't help yourself, you need to know what she is doing, who she is with, what time she is coming home, etc. etc.
Indirectly, she is applying the technique to you and it works.
Apply it to her, the same way.
Who cares about her complaining about you being hot & cold - that's the least of your concerns. Seriously, $20 - $500, why is this even worth a discussion.
If she asked if you took the money, I would say "what money"?
You don't need permission.
You're an adult.
Start acting like one.
Stop obsessing over her whereabouts.
Start worrying about your whereabouts, ie. where you are going in life - seems like you're still chasing your tail. You're not applying any principles for long periods of time without faltering.
robx, thank you for sticking with me on this. It might not seem so, but I am better than I would be. I think my problem is I never had to grow up my whole life. Before my wife I let my mom move in with me and I let her do to much for me and when I met my wife I was the strong one and I slowly let my wife take over and do too much. Now I have to grow up and I dont like it. I am so pissed off at myself cause I saw this coming for a while. cant believe I am this age and still need to grow up.
So your saying she is dark and if I go dark to this will work? It is hard for me cause it seems like it is what she wants. Wants to see the OM and have no confrontation.
How do I go dark and still take care of business matters?
Last edited by noedphi; 03/02/0904:51 AM.
Me 41 W 44 Together 7 years Married 6 Bomb Dec 2 08
Well it is 10 on a sunday. Before the bomb she never stayed up passed 9 on any day and was usually in bed by 8. So To protect my heart I am pretty sure I am done. I have to move on. If she is seeing OM. That goes against my Morals And I do not think I could ever forget it or forgive it. We are still married and it is cheating. So She will not get out of this easy. I am not going to just sign the paperwork. She will be held responsible for what I feel she is responsible for. Her car was cosigned by me and my name will have to be off of it. One bill I am having trouble with, she will have to take care of half. She will not like the response I file. But I cant sit here and let her cheat without saying something. So this will make her file quicker. I might loose my truck. But I am a good mechanic so I will just get a beater and drop in a new engine If I have to. Hopefully I can get what I have to before it gets to bad. But I am sure she is planning to bail on this whole situation. If she does not come back tonight, then she is definitely with OM. I think she is going to bail cause we got approved for 2 rentals and she decided we should to try and stay in our present house and now I have not heard anything. I will continue to post and ask for advice. I still love her and there definitely is a chance I would take her back but as of right now I just cant take this. Maybe what I do will work in my favor. But I doubt it. I will probably be on tomorrow. I might change my mind but I dont know. Like I said before its time to grow up. Since she is paying my truck right now I might as well let it go back now. She is not going to pay it for ever. So good night.
Me 41 W 44 Together 7 years Married 6 Bomb Dec 2 08
