I hope you are o.k. The end of your poem made me very worried about you.
I know we don't have a good history of communication, but I hope you will believe in my sincerity here.
HSS, Are you seeing a counselor? What you said about taking things out on your son at times is very alarming. Honestly, I understand this thought, I really do. In fact, I just emailed a friend and told her (talking about her situation) that I don't know how I could handle my children accepting an OW in their lives because it would hurt so much. BUT...I would do it. I would suck it up and fake the hell out of it somehow. Because, HSS, that is what we do as mothers. Otherwise you are going to alienate your son to the point that he will spend ALL of his time with your H.
We both have been at this for a LONG time. Long enough that we should be able to pick ourselves up and dust ourselves off and realize that our H's were not the center of the universe. Again, I have my days... we all do. I am very concerned that you have had them for so long, with no real positive postings from you that I can recall.
You said:
Quote:
I know I am doing any good with S, but I can't help it, I am hurt and taking it out on him at times when I feel he is siding with his father WHO LEFT US! How can he worship that? It is like he can do no wrong. I can't stand it.
The thing is, you CAN help it. You do have control over this. Yes, it sucks. Yes, it hurts. But, you have got to find it in yourself to do what you have to do to keep a relationship with your son.
You also said, "I can't communicate with either of them...." Again, you CAN. You just need to find an approach that works for both of you. Texting may be the best thing for you, as it is short, sweet, and to the point. Is there a reason you have a problem with this form of communication?
It seems to me, and I could be wrong, that you would rather talk to your H. Maybe if you establish a good texting relationship with him it can build from there. Don't push for more; as you can see the result is often that you end up with nothing.
I hope some others will chime in here and help you out. And, I really hope that you take this as intended...as someone who cares trying to help someone who is drowning.
Take care HSS. I will say a prayer for you tonight.
