I think it is absolutely wonderful that you have made all of these changes, and that you are happy with who you have become, and I am glad that your Husband has noticed the new you.
You need to understand, the changes have to be real and they have to be for you. You have done alot of work, but I feel as though you were at a point in your life that you recognized you had a problem and took steps to fix it.
But did you do them for you or for your Husband?
Did you make the changes to win him back or for another reason?
My concern for you is this....
You are the one doing all of the work in the relationship. You are the one making all of the changes.
What changes has your Husband made? How much effort has he put into the Marriage?
You say he wants to reconcile, BUT he is still involved with OW. Do you see how this could be a big problem?
To me, it seems as though you are walking on egg shells, and this is not how things are supposed to be. You are catering to his every need and it is all about him. You act grateful when he gives you some attention.
From what you have described here, it also seems as though you are blaming yourself for too many things in the past, and you are paying some type of a penance.
Many of us went though bouts of depression or did things in our Marriage that were unkind. I did it too, I was focused more on the kids then my Husband and neglected his needs.
This still does not mean it is OK for an affair...MLC or not.
Sanderika, please look at this situation without the rose colored glasses on. IF your Husband wants to work on the Marriage he needs to drop the OW or nothing is going to change, you will still be doing more of the same.
Stop being afraid of losing him, he knows how you feel which is why he can cake eat and treat you like a doormat. he knows you are afraid of losing him.
You are the prize, NOT him. Let him take steps to win you back!!
The day I finally told my Husband that I was no longer afraid of a Divorce and for him to please go ahead and file, was the day I got my freedom back, as I was no longer living with a gun against my head.
My Husbands MLC lasted for about 5 years, and it sucked the life out of me, because I let it. It took me a long time to learn how to detach properly. Once I got the no contact thing down, I was much happier and began to enjoy my life.
Learning how to re-attach was harder then detachment!
He has now been home for almost 2 years and piecing is also a huge challenge. It is not as easy as people seem to think. Forgiveness and patience are the key, and allowing them to set the pace.
((((hugs))))
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
