Holding, Thank you for stopping by and sharing your opinion, it means a lot to me.
I know that everything you've said is true. I am without a doubt the most impatient person on the planet. AND there's no question that I'm obviously frustrated by the fact that I'm not in total control of how this reconciliation progresses. I want it all said TODAY, I want it all fixed TODAY....not gonna happen though and so I spin my wheels and get spun out.
I am trying to drag myself into a better mind frame so as to use next week's trip as an opportunity for real closure and togetherness...but I'm having one helloftime getting into the right mind frame.
Good for Me!!!
As you've all heard me complain....I see my Hs cell phone as the enemy since that's how he communicated with OWs. He doesn't have a house phone (because he rents a room in someone elses house) and of course he has a work phone.
I always hate having to call the cell because depending on whos around, buddies, workmates, whoever...can affect the 'tone of his voice etc.' when I call....THAT causes me to get upset and leery. Sooooo last night when he called he said the usual, "Well, call me when you get up tomorrow." And I said, "what time will you be at the hanger?" And he said, "I don't have to go in early so if I'm not there when you call, just call me on the cell phone." So I said, "No. You call me." So he asks why can't you call me, you hardly ever call me anymore." So I told him why and that I'd only call the cell in an absolute emergency, otherwise our contact would be at his office number or he can call me because that way I know that he won't need to sound "weird" if I call him when someone's around. He said, " W, there is NO one ANYMORE that calls my cell except (name of three buddies) our sons and you. And you all are the ONLY ones I call." I said, that it doesn't matter, the point is I am not setting myself up to deal with his tone of voice that varies depending on who's around. He claimed to not understand but he got the message.
I have stood up for myself here...it sounds small I know, but it was huge for me.
T2
T2, I take it that on this trip to Georgia you'll be sharing a room? Planning to be basically together 24/7?
Perhaps he is thinking that this trip it the next "logical" step towards getting back together ... use it as a test platform to see if moving back in afterwards would be the next step ... like dipping his toe in the water.
Quote: He may be getting comfortable with the situation. It doesn't mean that the issues won't be resolved in the future. A future that does seem to be there for the two of you. Stop trying to control the situation. Look at the positives in your sitch, please. Several people on piecing did not have R talks for 6 months after the reconciliation... some have not had R talks at all. Stop worrying that your relationship is not going to make it unless you resolve everything NOW. As everything, it needs time. Your H is NOT riding the fence, he is giving to you, granted, not as much as YOU WANT, but you have a new R, take it SLOW, just like you would have in the beginning.
I'm taking it slow to, not making any demands. The difference between you and me is (and I have been thinking about this since our chat) that I think my H and I have said everything there was to say about the A, before he left. I don't want to bring it up again unless he feels he has to. The past is the past and I would like to leave it dead and buried! Right now, I'm would be happy if we would reconcile and rebuild our M. Trust is something that will have to worked on after the reconcilation. Forgive him? I would say I have pretty much done that, and that part of the process is almost at an end. Once I started the "forgiving" I moved along pretty quickly. I always could forgive and start rebuilding, as my H well knows I do! I think he is just waiting and watching. And even if he is still seeing OW, it doesn't matter right now. I know there are some that thinks "I'm nuts", but sorry my H is in MLC and the A doesn't mean he stopped loving me. Deb
HI KAW, Yes, we are using his biz trip as a vacation for us. That's the scary part I guess is we'll be together 24/7 (literally). We've done the week at my house this summer, but we maintained our normal work schedules etc and that went really well. He also spends alternate weekends at the house (I'm only off on alternate weekends) so THIS trip will be the first time in several years where it's just been he and I together with no separate corners/quarters to escape too. I think this IS his big test (in his mind) although he hasn't said that. But he is obviously looking forward to it as he brings it up everytime we talk. I'm very nervous about it. But I think it will be a good test for both of us. T2
Quote: I have stood up for myself here...it sounds small I know, but it was huge for me.
You go girl!!!!!!!!
T2~ You have already gotten great advice here... I agree that PATIENCE is something you still need at this stage! It's not easy, but it relly is like completely starting over. I also agree that the trip will be a great starting point for you both....how exciting...to be on vacation with your H in your NEW R!
You are in good place right now and I am happy for you!
Happiness is like a butterfly: the more you chase it, the more it will elude you, but if you turn your attention to other things, it will come and sit softly on your shoulder.... (thoreau)
T2~ Miss you and your positive updates...hope all is well!!! (((((T2)))))
Happiness is like a butterfly: the more you chase it, the more it will elude you, but if you turn your attention to other things, it will come and sit softly on your shoulder.... (thoreau)
T2, Waiting for your return, and I hope you will say you had a good time! Just know we miss you! Hope things are going well and you will have good news for us after your return! Thinking of you! Deb
Hi Y'all,
I didn't get to go on vacation, we took quite a beating here thanks to Hurricane Isabel. Had quite a bit of property damage etc and just got our lights back today....so needless to say it hasn't been fun.
My H has been a saint throughout this entire hurricane ordeal. He's been at the house since the night the Hurricane hit and really saved the house when the roof was trying to come off one shingle at a time. He and our two sons have been such troopers this past week, I have to give them all credit for everything they've done.
My H and I have discussed his coming home and it looks like that may happen next week. Both he and I are still VERY nervous about cohabitating again, but if we don't do it soon, I don't think we'll ever have the courage to do it at all. He did ask if I wanted him to 'come home' for good next week so he and I will talk about it more this weekend when I'm off. So I'll keep you all posted.
I pray that all of you and your familys that dealt with Isabel are safe and well.
T2
