I'm so sorry you are out of patience, but I can't blame you either. I know my XW has a TON of issues on her own, but maybe she also ran out of patience w/me.
It is understandable and also sad that by the time he figures it out - and he will if he sticks w/IC and the C is challenging him - your M will be over for good.
It isn't surprising he blamed you and said you were "crazy" earlier, as I would have done the same thing. Denial and projection. It is much easier to blame than to take the blame and fix. He's a mess and has a long road ahead of him. Unfortunately for him, you are so far ahead of him and he may have missed the boat completely.
That said, as Kerry mentioned, a year is an awful long time from when the D is filed and when it is finalized. If you truly want to move on, then do. File and move forward.
I would also ask you to tell his IC that he has the year to "really start to get it" b/c once the papers are signed, it is over w/no going back... EVER!
That way, if you see his signs of REAL change, you can always delay or put off the official papers if you need more time. Just like those Iraqis, once you set a firm "withdrawl" date, he's got to either act or be left completely on his own.
In the interim, still do your best to try and see him as the drowning man he is. I know it is hard to put the anger aside b/c you've been the only one working on the M, so you are frustrated. It is completely natural and I've been there myself.
Try as I may, I still get completely pissed at XW and have to force myself to look at her w/compassion and empathy. She's drowning in her own sea of denial, repression, guilt, and displacement, so as long as I can remember that, I do ok w/not wanting to rip her a new one constantly.
That seems to be the next hurdle we all have to learn to clear once the M is over... Forgiveness - which is still tough to fathom how it is for our benefit instead of theirs. Logically, I get it, but emotionally, it makes no sense to me.
Finally, I hope you don't think I was referring to you as being scary or even mean to your H. He deserves what he's getting, but psychologically, he can't produce anything else at this stage.
Love to you as always, my dear...and I've still got your back.
