T2,

I took this from one of your earlier posts:

Quote:

....personally (sounds nuts I know) and now see it as the 'sickness' (if you will) of the mindset of As and MLC.

MY ANGER is mostly directed at ME. I'm being forced, kicking and screaming into accepting MY ROLE in the down spiral of our M and R and how, even though I accept NO RESPONSIBILITY for his decision to cheat, the two or so years before his A I had grown distant and had stopped making my M a priority. HE was not my first priority, I WAS. I went on autopilot. I saw us slipping further and further apart and yet, I did nothing, comfortable in the "fantasy" that I was untouchable. So much so that even when I 'thought' he might be cheating, part of me actually didn't even care, because I didn't love him at that time. In my mind, I wanted him to cheat on me becuase I thought that was on the one thing I wouldn't let him to do me and then I'd have a reson to get rid of him...boy was I wrong!


I have so many issues to work out for myself. I have to deal with the demons that shut me down as a wife long before my H shut down as a faithful husband. I can relate here, also

There's this 'need' for 'payback' that I spew, but then again there's no need at all. I vacilate from one day to the next, one hour to the next. My emotions run the full gamet, to often out of my control. So that is what I HAVE to learn to do....control them.

YOU'LL get to ANGRY when the time is right. There's no short cut through this process unfortunately. I wish there was because I'm exhausted by it.

I want to wake up happy and content again. I want to wake up SAFE in the knowledge that my H is with me and here to stay for the rest of our natural lives, I just don't know yet whether or not that's going to be possible for him OR for ME. I TOO FEEL THIS WAY


Are we related or perhaps twins? Just as their are simularities in the MLC'ers and those in A's, there are similarites in the LBS sitchs.

Cathy