Hello, all, I am here -- off and on this weekend. Sorry if I've been a little preoccupied. I've tried to lurk, but even that's been a little difficult.
I have taken everyone's advice to heart. In fact, I am getting ready to leave in about 30 minutes to see my counselor -- I can't believe we haven't met since August (is that right?) Miraculously, when I called him Friday, he had an opening today, on such short notice. God must agree too.
I have also gotten three referrals from Project Enlightenment for my S's. I have already given advance notice to STBXW that I was taking these measures on our S's behalf -- I certainly don't think I should withhold from her my plans concerning our S's even when she does not show such courtesy for me. But as expected, STBXW has been questioning me accusedly, as if children going through D don't need counseling. She even went so far as to say that I am the only real source of problems for our boys -- if I would stop trying to "convince" them that D is wrong and that it is such the tragedy I make it out to be, then our S's would not suffer any ill effects at all.
So she feels I have to adopt her warped line of thinking (or at least lie that way) to best help our children through the turmoil of D.
She's sick.
On the AD's, I can say that even when I was on the AD's that did not stop me from sinking to the lowest depths of depression anyway. Nothing I feel now is as dark as those months leading up to the bomb and shortly thereafter. I've been off the meds since September, and the current downturn I feel stems from my reaction to STBX's actions. She still has a way of stealing my joy -- and if not outright stealing, fooling me into not enjoying it.
I am hoping that my IC can advise me how best to cope with this emotional and spiritual burden and to gather my strength again so I can move forward. If he suggests AD's, then I will take him up on it.
