This is the start of week 8. The recap from last week is that we had a custody hearing on Tuesday. It was very stressful on both of us. We didn't get an agreement and the next meeting is on March 30th. On the way back (we drove together), she did break down and talk about how she can't find a reason to change her mind, but feels she will be trying for the rest of her life. Very confusing as then she talks about how divorced couples can get back together and remarried.
Thursday was her B'day. I joined her for happy hour for about 45 minutes then left to take care of the kids. She got back at 11:00 PM and she wound up in bed together. She even said I love you. Very promising, so I thought.
On Friday she's back in full WAW mode, the only mention she had was that she had love bites on her chest. She said she was surprised that even though she had 5 martinis (in 6.5 hours), she didn't feel like she was buzzed or drunk. She didn't express any regrets or talk about it like it was a mistake or just an alcohol induced nite. Really don't know how to make of it.
Sat nite, we're both stressed about the kids being sick (we were both up to 3:00 AM cleaning up puke on both nites). Major bummer is we were suppose to go out that nite as the kids were going to stay over her mom's house.
Instead, that's where she starts stressing about how she feels that since she can't find a reason after almost 2 months, there's no chance and she is trying to figure out how to move out. I didn't fall apart but I was speechless. I couldn't validate or acknowledge.
I just hope that its just a test or stress or something other than she really gave up trying to find a reason to change her mind. Not only is this a big change from Thurs nite, but last Tues coming back from the custody hearing she said she would never stop trying. That's when she threw out how its possible for divorced people to get back together and remarry. I'm trying not to key my emotions to all her words/whims
I'm about a third of the way through the nice guy book. Pretty scary book. I'm trying to digest how to proceed
This morning she seemed like moderate WAW mode. Our youngest is still really sick so that's taking a lot of time and patience/stress. When she came down, I didn't try to give her a good morning hug or kiss as my youngest was resting on my lap. Probably for the best though
She wound up making us a very nice breakfast and she's been in "clean" mode ever since. We cleaned the fridge and kitchen. I only helped when she asked (trying to reverse the nice guy stuff) but did help with an upbeat and positive attitude
I worked on a couple more of my honey do list projects (spackle and priming) while she cleaned
I may have another issue looming. We're suppose to get 8 to 14 inches of snow tomorrow so our counseling session may get cancelled. I'm fighting the urge to talk to her about what she said last nite. I know I shouldn't.
I need to stay with my 180.
Its hard and it would be so much easier to give up. I really don't understand how someone can fall so out of love. Its particularly annoying as on her facebook "notes" she talks about how her dream is love and how her favorite place to be is in the arms of someone she loves (I know because she tags me on the notes). Yet she goes into her pity party of having baggage and never being happy. She knows that I am know trying to show her how I love her (I didn't when I was in my depression) and see's the changes, but still can't get past the hurt.
So confusing and annoying
Me 41 WAW 36 S 3&7 M 10 yrs W files D 1/9/09 W moves out 4/18 Lost job 6/15 New job 7/27 Disc PA 8/10 (started Nov 2008!) Confronted 8/11 Admits PA & appologies for hurt 9/11 Lost Job 11/13
