I agree saying nothing doesn't help much. I guess I and my wife have a long way to go to be able to relate better and more honestly. I guess I reacted the way I did/do because for me if I said something she'd shut me down pronto and blame me. I think the possibilty of anything besides that is small.
Is your wife concerned about the procedure ? That could be having an influence - her head is somewhere else right now. It may not have really been on purpose to upset you.
Would you mind sharing more of your relationship's history with us? How it began, how it developed, and where it is today? This would help a lot in gaging what kind of advice to give you as far as where to go from here.
Take care,
-- B.
Me 50, W 45, M for 26 yrs S25, D23, S13, S10 20+ year SSM; recovery began Oct 2007
I am going to try to find some of my old posts so you can link to them. It has been a while and during them I changed my screen name.
So here is what happened Friday. I really appreciated everyones advice because it allowed me to go home without anger. When I got home we were fine, plus we were pretty busy because we had a political fundraiser to go to (I am running for local office) at a friends house. The night went fantastic and my wife and I were really affectionate (not making out in the corner or anything, but holding hands and a nice kiss from her later in the evening, but when some people were still around). I think part of what did it was that I spoke to a group of people (key people in our community) and she showed me respect in a way that I don't often see. Not that she is rude usually, but she is a strong willed person and not usually deferential. When we got home, we had another glass of wine and a great session of ml, even though it was 1 AM and she usually wants to go to bed.
We talked about ml tonight, but her fibroid is causing some discomfort so I may be s.o.l. for a while and I tried to be understanding but in a way that let her know I still want to make an effort if possible.
CB
Me; 42, W; 43 M; 16 yrs S12, D9
3/13 - "I want to move to XYZ City (four hours away) and it might be without you, not sure" 5/13 - "Not sure I meant that"
So last week was a pretty total bust, at least sexually. We left for vacation with kids and my MIL on Thursday and did a driving trip. I get along great with my MIL, but nothing was going to happen in the days leading up to a trip and when crammed into a hotel room.
On Saturday we arrived at our condo and it is really nice. Kids and MIL sleep in one room with two queens, and w and I sleep in a separate bedroom with jacuzzi and walk in shower. On Monday I suggested we ML and W said no and might not on trip. This threw me for a loop and I tried again yesterday. This was hard after getting shot down and I was shot down again.
Not sure if I should try again. Reality is, if w is going to be her mother's daughter rather than her husband's wife, I will make sure we don't bring MIL along again.
Suggestions?
Me; 42, W; 43 M; 16 yrs S12, D9
3/13 - "I want to move to XYZ City (four hours away) and it might be without you, not sure" 5/13 - "Not sure I meant that"
