snodderly, thank you for waking me up when I need it. I have not been calling him NEAR as much. I only called him 1 time in 2 weeks, the other time I talked with him was at court. BUT I know I shouldnt call him at all! You are probably right, he probably does tell her everything and she probably is trying to get at me. Even HE said that. I am sure he tells her he loves her or she wouldnt be living with him. BUT I dont understand why he just doesnt tell me? Why isnt he honest with me? He has NO reason to hide anything now, we are divorced.
a new 2moro from my story does it sound like my xh is in MLC? He even told me once, he wanted to play and he wanted different companionship. What got me was every time I asked him why he left, he would give me a different reason....he did this almost every time. Therefore, I kept asking. How long did you go without calling your husband. My situation may be different because my husband actually divorced me. So I dont know.
Renee, You have to understand...your xh doesn't owe you any explanation for anything he says or does. You are no longer his concern. His children are the only thing that he needs to concern himself w/at this time (in his mind). What he says or does w/the ow is none of your business, according to him and his way of thinking. I would suggest that you not call him at all, i.e., 1 2 times a week is far too much when he's moved on. He has told you over and over again to leave him alone. If you don't, the restraining order will be put back in place permanently.
You asked what the difference was between a walk away and a mlcer. I believe someone has responded to your question on another thread that you had posted to.
A walk away is someone who walks away from everything and never looks back. They are finished the day they get up and will not reconsider reconciling at any cost. They are done. A mlcer is one who is very depressed and acts out in a very confused manner. He/she becomes the mirror image of the person that they once were. They tend to waffle a bit about divorce, separation and yes, they do leave quite a number of personal belongings behind from their past.
Two different "animals". No matter which one your h is, you still have to honor his wishes and leave him alone...only call him in a dire emergency. You have to take care of yourself and your child. He's gone and may be gone for a long time. No one can predict just how long.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Renee` your H maybe has some similarties of both...but he does have some confusion.....if he says ILYBNILWY. I guess some of them do go get the D fast track. He seems his mind is made up but he cant stick w/ one GF..the best thing to do it really let him be
I went about 4 months of not sending him tm or phone calls except for emegencies. It was pure hell and hurt sooo much...he was very deep with OW, as he pulled away it hurt so much. He lived with her, took her on expensive trips , they worked together, went everywhere together. They were always in walmart!The spending was horrific. He moved her into the same apt we lived when we 1st were married.....ouch
Then he began to find reasons to contact me and i slowly began to answer his tms or emails he tm more and more hiding in the bathroom from her!I always told everyone he must be in the bathroom as a joke....turns out it was NO joke!!!
Me 53 H 51 OW 25 Bomb may 06 left june 8/ 06 ILYBNILWY (twice!) 7/6/07 H wants to come home 7/21/07 H comes home 7/07 -7/08 long haul letting go of OW now piecing in earnest
Renee and N2M, Some of them are on a very fast track for a divorce. The guilt and shame of what they've done drives this. Also, they are hoping a divorce will happen quickly before the lbs finds out. It's their way of "not hurting" us before hand. Crazy logic for the loons.
Some stay w/one person and others tend to dip into several pools. It's the teenager in them to experiment until the right one comes along. That's why it's very important to just let them go and taste the waters from all ponds, just as long as you are not dragged into a financial mess or your children are hurt by their behavior, etc. You do not want to be seen as "mom" to them by questioning what they are doing, with whom, etc. You have to allow them to come to you when they are ready and when they do...treat them as a friend, listen and validate their thoughts, etc. Do not ask him one thing about his relationship w/her or where your relationship is going. The more you question, the more he's going to stay away.
As long as there is confusion in the mix...I'm leaning toward mlc. With walk aways, there is no confusion...it's very cut and dry.
Renee, it all takes a lot of time. Many have been able to reconcile. How did they do it? They came here, the learned the lessons and they read the threads. They also learned to focus on themselves and their children and left their spouses to twist in the wind. One vital lesson in all of this is to leave them alone, give them plenty of space and keep a candle burning in the window to provide light to guide him back, if he so desires to return.
Read the MLC Archives threads. They will help you better understand that this isn't a quick trip to Target. It's more like a very slow boat sailing to China because you are now operating on their time clock, not yours. Their clocks are very slow due to depression, etc.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Snodderly I love it. That is what I am on a slow boat to China. I wish it were the trip to target, but who knew. Thanks for spelling it out that way.
SL it does get easier, but the best advice is leave him be. Don't call, don't text, just be still. I can't stress that enough. I didn't get that for a long time, so believe me I delayed his trip even longer.
Me 50 H 42 S 22 S 9 D 7 M 12 T 17 H moved out 8/2006 H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks H moved home 5/2011 for good
"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"
