I just have to hop in, I think your ex and my ex went to the same cheater's class because I think he said nearly the same thing to me!! The fact that our S16 doesn't want to spend the weekend with him has nothing to do with S16's disapproval of his father's choices but is instead my letting him call the shots! WTH????
I know with your D being 5 there is a big difference but for some reason they feel that the divorce and their actions preceding it, will not effect the kids adversely at all. I would say to stay as grounded as possible with her and you will come to be the one person that she knows she can always count on.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Hey, Kat! Thanks for stopping by. I think it is amazing how the ones who left and broke the vows w/an affair (or several) are also very quick to point the finger back at those left behind.
My XW said it was "my fault" she had an affair. Interesting take, eh? She is also saying the fact she brought Mr. Affair around right away to interact w/D (we called him "the Snake" here on the boards) and now has a new BF who is over all the time (my D says he and "mommy have sleep-overs on the weekends and on school nights too"). She says having either man in her life so quickly after me is doing NOTHING negative to our D.
It is w/me that our D breaks down and wonders why we aren't still together. D has cried and said "it isn't right for you to leave the person you love just because you like someone new." I didn't put that in her head, but I'll be accused of doing it.
In the end I understand the only person's approval I need is my D's and I know that XW will never take any of the blame for her actions and their consequences.
In time, D will make her own choices and my focus is on my R w/her, being a good father, and doing things to the best of my ability.
Other than that, there isn't anything I can do. The rest is out of my hands.
In time, D will make her own choices and my focus is on my R w/her, being a good father, and doing things to the best of my ability.
All I can say is I agree 110%. Alot of what your ex says and her actions and your D's reactions are so very similar to mine.
I am concentrating on trying to give my daughter good values and at the same time being very careful not to badmouth XW. I have to believe that in time our daughters will take the best from both parents and both immediate families. I am very lucky that my family is pretty grounded (good people). Honestly, I already think that she knows the difference. Kids are alot smarter than we give them credit for.
In my case, her kids / my stepdaughters already know who is the person they would like to emulate and who they do not....that is a pretty good consolation prize.
Don't let the ex get to you...keep your eye on the ball and don't lose sight of the target.
My week went pretty well, but I was dead tired by the end of it. D and I had fun on Thursday picked up the pottery she made for my mother, sister, and nephew at the "As You Wish Store" and then she wanted to go out to dinner and chose Denny's! Nothing but the highest class joints for my little girl.
Anyway, on Friday it hit me that whenever I have my D, all my friends w/kids are on their "off" weekends, so I asked XW to help me smoothly switch weekends so I can have a social life. She may or may not help out, but I'll keep pressing until she does as I've done nothing this weekend b/c I didn't have anyone to do things with.
I also sent her a couple of e-mails about the ring (gold is very high right now) and a few things I had in the apartment that she may want. As usual, no response. So, I'll try again on Tuesday if I don't get anything on Monday.
She also has to start paying 1/2 of our joint credit card bill this month and I've notified her of that last Wednesday as well as reminded her that today that it is due on Tuesday. Again, as usual, there has been no response, so I'll try again Tuesday and if she doesn't reply, I'll pay it this month and let her know that next month is on her.
She's difficult, but predictable. This is where the WAS syndrome is so confusing, but my XW fits the female stereotype to a T. She is still mean, vindictive, and angry at me even though she's the one who initiated everything and has gotten everything she's wanted. She's also accusing me of being controlling, but she's the controlling one through all of her actions, delays, and non-actions.
I'm sad I don't have a family, but I'm not sad I'm no longer married to her. She's miserable in her own skin and until she figures that out, she'll never be happy and at peace.
Tonight, I'm going to hit some golf balls, take the dog to the dog park and do at least 30 min of cardio to get the exercise ball rolling again. It is time for me to go back to focusing on me.
This week I'll work on the apartment some and then get ready for four days w/ my D.
I own that statement now. I miss my family, but I don't miss being married to XW. It is becomming a daily reality.
She did answer me back and as of the 21st of this month, I'll be on the same schedules as my friends, so I'll be able to have a bit of a social life. That will be a relief.
Also, she's going to take a few things I have at the apartment off my hands, so that will reduce the clutter a bit more. She's still waiting on the ring and I'm hoping she'll get off that fence soon. If not, I'll need to push her off and get the ring sold and get some cash - Hopefully enough to start the process on dividing the pensions.
I accidentially attached a file that listed some of my beefs w/XW which I presented to the parenting evaluator last year. It was right next to the one I was supposed to send, so she was a bit bent out of shape over seeing it.
I apologized and told her it wasn't intentional, but deep down, I didn't really mind it as it was good to let her read my feelings, even if it did sting and bring up some old junk for her.
So, now I'm trying to get focused enough to get some grading done as our grades are due on Friday afternoon. I'll figure it out somehow and will most likely go late tomorrow or something.
Well, I got my grades done for the quarter then was able to relax w/D all weekend. I even got XW to hand over the ring so I could work on selling it.
I spent all day today doing that and found that we need to get the diamonds certified if we're going to use a wholesaler and we'll need an appraisal if we're going to sell it ourselves. So, both options cost money and as usual, XW was non-responsive when I sent her information all day long. I'll keep working on the ring and keep you posted as to how that is going.
On another note, I was supposed to meet someone tonight for coffee and was stood up. I'm a bit bummed as I'm ready to date, but I really hate the whole thing about dating again. It stinks.
Maybe there is a good excuse and we'll try it again, but if not, then it is just another one to cross off the list, I guess. I'm not devastated, just disappointed as I was looking forward to it.
Oh, well. I'm off to bed now and back to the grind tomorrow. I'll look to catch up w/everyone then.
