I think you are doing great. It's interesting how we think one thing will make us happy, but find out it really wasn't what we wanted after all. At least now you know.
I can relate to how hard it is to be affectionate without being pursuing. My H told me that he was sick of being the one who made all the moves, and told me how uncomfortable he felt when I said ILY all in the same sentence. I think you need to just take your cues from your H. When he kisses you, kiss him back. The positivity and little gift is a great start. Remember, you can only work on yourself, you cannot change your H.
I don't think "going dark" is the option for you. It really isn't possible to go dark when you have children. My suggestion would be to allow H to initiate conversation, but when he does speak with a smile in your voice and a PMA.
Remember, little steps will get you where you want to go. Keep it up, God Bless! K
