Ugh....I'm sooooo glad the weekend is finally over.

Journaling:
This weekend sucked. My H was sick and lethargic, I was exhausting myself mentally trying not to be bitchy. I hate Sundays when he's been here for the weekend anyway because it means that he'll leave to go back to his place that evening. I'm tired of watching him walk out the door with his overnight bag, it seems so absolutely ridiculous and uncalled for at this point.

We have come so far in so many ways and yet HE is responsible for keeping the final 'wedge' stuck between us by maintaining a separate residence.

Tonight after dinner I decided I'D END the weekend for a change, so about an hour ago I asked him if he'd gathered up his things (meaning his overnight bag)..giving him a hint, that the 'party was over.' He said, "Not yet. I'm sorry that I wasn't feeling well this weekend and pretty blah." I said, (in as even a tone as I could muster) "Well, you didn't feel well, so you couldn't help that." I was antsy...anxious...I just wanted him OUT of the house, I wanted the 'leaving' to be over, I felt like getting his stuff for him so he'd just go ahead and leave. We sat there kind of quiet for a few more minutes and he got up and went in to gather his things.
Again, he apologized for being sick and again I told him I just hoped he'd feel better soon. I didn't/couldn't look at him or move from my chair. He came over, kissed the top of my head and said ILY. I was silent. He said, "I think I'd feel better if I had a hug." So I gave him a half hearted one. I was thinking, "oh sure, now you're Mr. Chipper now that you are free to hit the road, screw you."...but I ONLY thought it..I didn't say it.

So he's gone and I'm glad the leaving is over. This is undoubtedly THE LAST WEEKEND I will ever have him here. I can't stand the 'leaving' when the weekends are over and I'm NOT going to put myself through any more of them, they're just not worth it. The book says to do what works and don't do what doesn't work, well allowing him to spend alternate weekends here has certainly made him comfortable to be around me but THEY HAVE NOT made his decision to come home for good any closer, and I don't thinnk they will. So this is something that obviously ISN'T working to 'get me closer to my goal.'

I'm sad tonight, I'm tired, I'm confused and I want this all to just go away.
T2