Hi Laurie and jojo, I'm at the gym right now. This day has been pretty calm for me. I'm sure my IC is helping me. I am in, what is called, EMDR Therapy, for Post Traumatic Stress Syndrom. My IC says I have to most work on not letting my thoughts scatter. I seem to be moving in hyperactive mental motion because of all the anxiety over the past 10 months.
I do have something new to report about my H. A friend of mine has his phone number programmed into her phone and his name - somewhat - rhymes with mom. When she voice her mom's name in yesterday, it called him instead. She said he sounded very "gruff," even when she apologized for calling the wrong number. I know I can't read him and I do not have any business trying to, but it kills me knowing he is still so angry that he's being gruff to people he doesn't even know on the phone.
I know he is in pain, while mine is beginning to fade. I am sure the pain I felt was from being mistreated, but I must also take my share of the blame. I am not sure, but maybe some of my pain is from - sub-consciously - knowing that I was half to blame for this mess.
I do still love him. I wish there was a way I could get to where jojo is in my recovery. I know it takes time.
Journaling:
1. Went to church today and the sermon spoke of fasting for 40 days and 40 nights. I plan to make this happen.
2. Also, the preacher spoke about our treasure that was stolen over the past year (my husband); and how it must have been in the wrong place. Now, I must look inside my heart and see the treasure, instead of looking elsewhere. What is my treasure? What do I want?
3. One thing is for sure. I want happiness and human contact, which I'm lacking right now. I'm very lonely.
Thank you both for listening. Would love to hear your thoughts.
