I really, really wanted for H to make the next move. As many people on this board have said about their own sitch - if he wants this D so badly he should do the work - but his continued involvement with Catbitch along with his careless spending (including his "bankruptcy" scare tactic) leaves me no choice.
My L suggested we get to mediation ASAP. It's required anyway in this state with a contested D. So it's set for March 30. I don't know if H knows yet or not. I figure it's not my job to tell him. L says I'll get something in the mail from the mediator - basic info - and I need to fill out the Financial Declaration forms.
I'm writing down lots of questions and closer to the time will drill my L with them. If anyone has any pointers I'd appreciate them!
Me 56 H 47 Married 21 years No children Bomb & moved out 4/07 "My feelings have changed" & "I want to live by myself". Ow Bomb 8/07 H filed 6/08 D final 2/05/10
{{{Silver}}} ugh hate that your hub is forcing your hand, I guess this still falls under the "take no responsibility, blame someone else" WAS philosophy eh?? Good for you to make sure YOU are protected and doing it anyway..if he would try to blame you, at least YOU know what is the real deal..
Tawnya
Me:39 H:40 D18/S12 M20/T21 Bomb 10/11/08 One Two Three Four
I second that notion - protect yourself financially if you can. I have know too many women who waited for their H's to act and were left with extremely large debts that will take the rest of their lives to pay off. No need getting stuck when it can be avoided -
So how much snow will you get to work with? Where i am the prediction is 14" -that is unusual for us. Will see in the a.m. -may be a day off from work for me. I gave up driving in the snow to work for this year's new resolution.
I know how you feel re: wanting H to make the next move. I was that way with xBF and leaving the house and ending the R. If he wants it so badly then he should be the one to do it. But it came down to protecting myself emotionally and realizing that he's a big coward so I made the move. I think you were absolutely right to do the same thing. You need to focus on protecting yourself from any more of his ridiculous behavior.
I don't have any pointers on the L questions but will be following along so I know what to expect when I go through it.
Keep up the good work!
If you love somebody, set them free. http://tinyurl.com/2empx2g
Well, we got 6.5 inches of snow. My power went out Sunday night - I managed to sleep warm with the dogs but by yesterday afternoon I'd had enough. I put the dogs in the kennel and spent the night with a girlfriend. Today I came home to many fallen tree branches and one cedar tree down against the back of the house. I had to throw all the food in the refigerator out and re-stock.
And he didn't even bother to call to see if I was alright. Wednesday is the day he usually comes by when I'm at work to check on the aquarium. It's a saltwater one and due to the lost power I'm not sure if the fish are still alive or not. They must be hiding. The water still feels chilly to the touch. And I care because why? Not really sure - just hate to see living creatures suffer.
I guess I'll hire someone to clean up the trees. I want to make sure H sees the mess first. You bet I'll bring this up at mediation. I'm even thinking about telling him I want 100% of the house now - we had talked once about a 60/40 split if we sell it. But at the risk of sounding like a 14 year old - I'M SO OVER IT.
Me 56 H 47 Married 21 years No children Bomb & moved out 4/07 "My feelings have changed" & "I want to live by myself". Ow Bomb 8/07 H filed 6/08 D final 2/05/10
{{{Silver}}} Ugh my friend..that totally sucks..yeah..hub didn't check on us either..I don't get that :P
So..you got your power back I take it..I'm sorry you had to restock your food..that STINKS so bad..hate to see my money going down the drain like that!!
Tawnya
Me:39 H:40 D18/S12 M20/T21 Bomb 10/11/08 One Two Three Four
Sorry to hear that you lost power and had to leave for awhile. I think it is a male thing - not to be male bashing - but I noticed that when things breakdown, I have to deal with it - but when things happen to him i have to hear about it and sometimes I get called to help - doesn't make sense to me. In,fact not too long ago I had a plumbing problem, was on the phone getting help, H tried to call me and assumed that I ignoring his calls and threatened whatever. When all was said and done - I called to tell him that I was sorry I couldn't be available while I was dealing with an emergency and I am more sorry that you assumed anything different. Ever think I might need your help sometimes?
Well, H came by for his "visit" while I was at work. When I walk through the house I feel like a CSI agent looking for evidence. He took the trash - this is something he's been doing since he left. We're out in the country, no trash pick up. I'd also left the letter from his credit card company denying his request for a higher credit line on the kitchen counter - it's gone (I made a copy of it to have at mediation). I suppose he noticed the storm damage, but probably not the downed tree since it's leaning against the back of the house. The remote control was in a different place than I usually have it so he must have tried to turn on the TV - this means he knows the satelite dish is out and that I haven't been able to watch TV. If he was curious, then he stepped outside to look at the dish - then he would have noticed the tree. He let the dogs stay out for awhile because they were sound asleep when I arrived - not their usual hyper selves. Some candles and flashlights are still sitting out so if he has any brain cells left at all he knows the power went out.
My friends are appalled that he did not call to check on me during or after the snow storm. I just tell them it's in the script.
Me 56 H 47 Married 21 years No children Bomb & moved out 4/07 "My feelings have changed" & "I want to live by myself". Ow Bomb 8/07 H filed 6/08 D final 2/05/10
