Renee and N2M, Some of them are on a very fast track for a divorce. The guilt and shame of what they've done drives this. Also, they are hoping a divorce will happen quickly before the lbs finds out. It's their way of "not hurting" us before hand. Crazy logic for the loons.
Some stay w/one person and others tend to dip into several pools. It's the teenager in them to experiment until the right one comes along. That's why it's very important to just let them go and taste the waters from all ponds, just as long as you are not dragged into a financial mess or your children are hurt by their behavior, etc. You do not want to be seen as "mom" to them by questioning what they are doing, with whom, etc. You have to allow them to come to you when they are ready and when they do...treat them as a friend, listen and validate their thoughts, etc. Do not ask him one thing about his relationship w/her or where your relationship is going. The more you question, the more he's going to stay away.
As long as there is confusion in the mix...I'm leaning toward mlc. With walk aways, there is no confusion...it's very cut and dry.
Renee, it all takes a lot of time. Many have been able to reconcile. How did they do it? They came here, the learned the lessons and they read the threads. They also learned to focus on themselves and their children and left their spouses to twist in the wind. One vital lesson in all of this is to leave them alone, give them plenty of space and keep a candle burning in the window to provide light to guide him back, if he so desires to return.
Read the MLC Archives threads. They will help you better understand that this isn't a quick trip to Target. It's more like a very slow boat sailing to China because you are now operating on their time clock, not yours. Their clocks are very slow due to depression, etc.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
