To the mother ship: WHEN DO I GET MY HUSBAND BACK?

[Sanderika]

Hello,

Their lack of attention and concern for us is one of the hardest things to accept. It goes even further when they show complete disregard for their kids as well. My H has been places where he was so completely checked-out you'd of thought he never knew us at all.

My H has been with the same OW for almost 43 months now and she has NEVER met our son(12). Apparently she has complained to our mutual friends of the fact but it will get her no where. I do not want her in my son's life and I will defend that to my death if I have to. Apparently H is quite comfortable with this as well because he has never suggested he meet her or vice versa.

My H has virtually had no contact with our son until recently. H has basically had a life of total freedom to do as he pleases for the past 3.5 years. Early on in the sitch I asked my H to watch son 3 times and was turned down on all 3, that's how selfish he is or hopefully was. I hope he is reaching a turning point in his MLC finally with the words in court 5 weeks ago. He is now asking to have son join him in his activities.

I think you are very fortunate to have a H that wants to be such a big part of your kids lives. And it appears for now they have not met the OW either. It's good he's so involved with them because it is all the more time he is not with her.

I think a connection with them will keep a connection between the two of you as well. I think a connection is good whether it be the kids, a farm, a company, mutual interests, etc...
For my H and I, we have never really let go of each other. We have created a new friendship and that feels very good. I hope he backs up his words and doesn't let us down again. My son knows what H said in court.

I wish H would let go of the OW, to date he has not. I wish when he came over he would not hide. I wish he and I could take this to another level very soon. I do not want to waste our next 5 months before the next court date in July.

I do not invite H to son's activities. It evolved due to H's lack of interest in son during this MLC. I do not contact H even about son related issues. I have taken them all on myself. My son has mild Asperger's Syndrome and has been a challenge to say the least. I take care of his therapy and school issues alone. I never ask H for a favor or to help us either. I have a friend who plows my drive and has brought us 3 loads of firewood this winter. My friends are wonderful, that's another positive about being in a small town.

My H actually did get us one load of firewood (his idea) back on Thanksgiving weekend. My H plows his path and spot behind the barns so he can sneak in and out at whim.

I bought my H B-day presents for the first 2 birthdays he was gone. Last year I did nothing for him. He has not bought me a birthday gift in so long I can't remember the last one. It was long before we separated though I am sure. And like I posted before, last Christmas was the first gift he had given me since '04. I did not suggest son get H a gift last year for either B-day or Christmas. It comes to a point when it doesn't feel good to give anymore when there is no reciprocation. Someday, hopefully this can all end and we can feel good and give to each other again.

I am sick and tired of being a single parent. I have reached the point where I have had enough, the only problem is I am stuck in this role. Just this morn I had a meltdown about this. I asked son to do something and got flack about it. I lost it.....I ended up going for a long walk which I regretted because it was only 16 degress outside. I am fed up with being lonely too. The company of a 12 year old doesn't cut it!!! I love him to pieces but we don't have much in common. I have never been a 12 year old boy and didn't have brothers, so d*mn it....it's really hard!!!!

I wish there was more advice from the lucky ones who got their H's back after a long time separated and gone....I would like to know how they did it. The no contact thing, which is what I practice doesn't seem productive, but is hopefully working.

My son wants lunch....I will keep checking in on you and chatting if you don't mind....I tend to write a lot once I get started though...I am very passionate about this problem and it is still very raw to me even though it seems like a lifetime ago since it started....

Take care....

Sanderika