We all use our own situations, and what we learned, to help others. We all have on our own colored glasses we see things through. You know mine. I think there has been contact. Remember, I had contact, a few times actually... Did that mean that I wanted to leave my marriage? Nope. It was something I had to work through. You want your wife to WANT to be with you, not feel forced to be with you. Of course she is making it hard on herself when she makes contact, or when the OM contacts her. But, perhaps, it needs to be done.
WDID,
You know I like and respect you, and you obviously come at this from a much different perspective than I do. But please explain this for me. I'm having a hard time understanding why any spouse would "need" to have contact with someone with whom they have already had an affair, the relationship and deceit from which almost destroyed their marriage and ripped apart their family.
Personally, I don't think there is ANY valid reason for a wayward spouse to contact their former affair partner, even to say "I can't see you anymore -- ever." That can be done in a letter.
H4U's wife is either wayward or formerly wayward. Even with a formerly wayward spouse, I can fully understand their need to "work out" things emotionally, mentally and spiritually . . . internally, on their own. I do not accept that they need to be in contact to do this, I'm sorry. In fact, I would contend strongly that it causes further damage to the marriage, and sets back the recovery process.
