For the Guy with Kids and a WW 24

[hopeful4her]

Hello great people of DB land!

Been a while. Had no idea I locked up.

Thanks, Puppy.

I might link my previous posts some other time.

Been about a week since my last post. Not a whole lot going on with me. Some ups and downs, mostly because of my car sitch. Still carpooling with my sis, so I should be grateful, but still sucks.

Loss of freedom.

I have the girls with me this week, which is really hectic when you throw in my sister and her 3 year old and doing it with one car, but so far so good.

The past couple of Fridays, I've gone out to dinner and a movie. Pretty much the only things that I've done for myself lately.

I had found on the 18th that the wife had read my email to her the day before. She had called me for something. Friendly conversation. Seemed like she was kind of lingering on the phone. We had discussed several things. Her move again. Where she might be looking. I'm still concerned about her moving and it affecting my time with the kids. We talked about my accident, just several things.

At one point, the girls told her something about bugging them while they were watching a movie or something like that.

She said, "Fine, then I'm just gonna go outside." I could tell she was outside sneaking a smoke. We talked some more. Somehow it led to me saying, "

"You've read my stuff, haven't you?"
"Your email?"
"Yes"
"Yes. I read it yesterday. S15 finally let me get on the computer."
"A miracle. You must have been timed" I joked, kind of nervous.
"I haven't responded, I'm not sure HOW to respond."
"I guess I wasn't really looking for a response."

I could tell she was walking back inside. She asked if I wanted to talk to D7. I said yes, talked to her and that was it.

Last Thursday, she called me in the morning to remind me that it was "Breakfast with Dad" day at D7's school. I told her that I knew it, but no way I could make it. She said she spoke to D7 and had told her that, but told her she would call me to see about maybe lunch. I thanked her and I did make it for lunch.

That day, we started with some emails back and forth. Same stuff as usual. Nice and light and funny and joking.

Last Friday, I had to contact her because we were planning on me taking the kids to hang out at the mall for D12's birthday fun, since she didn't have a party the week before. When I called her, she was leaving the video store. She was being kind of bitchy and said that she still needed to talk to D12. When she called later, she apologized for how she spoke to me. She was frustrated with D7.

On Saturday, I picked up the kids and let the older ones go wherever they wanted. S15 had met a bunch of his friends and was letting his sister hang with him and his group.

That was his gift to her and she enjoyed it. I hung out with D7 and we had fun. When the wife got off of work, she called me and I told her to go home and change first then come over. The plan was for us to switch off. My bud had let his daughter come to the mall also and he even decided to let her spend the night with the girls at the apartment.

Turns out, the wife, D7 and I walked around the mall some more, while the older kids kept on hanging out. While at one of the stores, she took a call. I figured it must be OM. I could only hear part of the convo. At one point she said something, then had to repeat herself and she said it angrily. Something about meeting the kids at the mall. A minute later, she said thank you for something and hung up.

Ends up that we all left the mall and headed out to Peter Piper Pizza to eat dinner together. It was nice and you could tell that the wifed missed our friends daughter. We always considered her our "other" daughter, but since she moved out, our friend has not wanted anything to do with her.

And he was her friend first.

On Sunday, I picked up D12 to spend the day with my mom and my sister for a girls day of shopping. I had spoken to the wife later about trying out keeping the kids for the week. She had told me that her retake of her test for work was going to be on Tuesday(yesterday). No pass, no job.

When I was heading over to her place in the evening, she asked to keep D7 for the night because they were still working on school work. I told her that was fine, but still needed to pick up D12's stuff. Once there, I sat with them while D12 got her stuff. The wife was watching a movie called "Henry Pool is Here". She told me a bit about it. I told her that is sounded and looked good and that I would need to rent it. At one point, she even told me that she was going to cut her hair and how she wanted to do it. She's been wanting to for some time now. D12 was pushing for us to leave, which upset the wife, but she had some school work to finish too. Once we left, D12 says she forgot her gym clothes. I called the wife to let her know we were turning around and going back.

At the apartment, D12 goes to get her stuff and she gives me the movie.

"Mom said to give this to you. Just return it to the store when your done."

On Monday, I had sent an email to her about something funny. Later, I go to pick up the girls when I get off work. Our plan for the week was to have the wife pick up D7 everyday because I was unsure if my sister and I would get to her school in time. We were making good time so I called the wife to let her know that we could D7 after all. Once at the apartment to get D12, the wife and I are wearing basically the same shirt. Long sleeve button up and bright red. It was kind of funny. She let me know that I made her laugh so hard with my email, that people looked at her funny.

We always used to wear something that matched well, and we didn't plan it.

Part of her email, she also told me that she needed a prayer for her test. I told her that that was a given. She had that anyway.

Yesterday, no call from her at all. Picking up the girls, she had done her hair. New cut and color.

And she failed again. By one question. She was down. She told me they were going to give her one more shot at it next month. I kept thinking to myself, okay, fail the test and go get your hair done? And supposedly has no money? Maybe he "paid" her again?

About an hour ago, she calls my cell phone. I let it go to VM.

"I just wanted to call you and share some good news. I DID pass my test. I fought one of the questions and they gave it to me! So I passed! Yeah!! Just thought I'd share that with you. Talk to you later. Bye."

I called a little while ago. I congratulated her and she told me thank you. She explained what she did. I told her that that was good news. I also told her that she could enjoy her hair cut as a celebration. She explained to me that she got her haircut after her test, but that she did not know her score until she called the tester until 5:30 yesterday. She didn't know she hadn't passed until after the cut and that she felt like sh*t after she found out.

We talked about the kids and how they are doing and some other things concerning the girls.

I'm going to try my best to avoid her, but I'm not going to ignore her. I can't.

Yesterday, we ended up talking outside the car. My sister told me later that it looked like she wanted me to comment on her hair or console her or something. She had a look. I did end up telling her it looked nice, but I was more concerned about her failing her test.

She may think that she could move back into the house or something crazy like that.



Sorry I haven't posted to anyone much. Been busy at work, and my car sitch sucks still, but still feel good.

As is typical with us, a lot of time with the wife family-wise. I'm at the point of not trying to save my marriage anymore, I'm trying to be happy in my life.

I picked this up somewhere,

"I am still determined to be cheerful and happy in whatever situation I may be; for I have also learned from experience that the greater part of our happiness or misery depends upon our dispositions and not up our curcumstances." ~ Martha Washington

I'm a survivor, but my nine lives are going quickly.

[kat727]

Gee you took up a whole page practically on that one! I have missed you and I should have e-mailed. I am sorry. But I also knew you were going to be fine. This is a crazy ride, one that none of us signed up for but it has made us better believe it or not.

We will have to do a movie again some night and not just renting but really go out. Are you game?

kat

[karen43]

She may think that she could move back into the house or something crazy like that.

Why do you think that?

As is typical with us, a lot of time with the wife family-wise. I'm at the point of not trying to save my marriage anymore, I'm trying to be happy in my life.

That sounds good. Sorry I didn't keep in touch better lately. I think we've all been busy!!! Karen

[whatdidido]

Just wanted you to know I'm here, and listening.

[Mellenmack]

I'm at the point of not trying to save my marriage anymore, I'm trying to be happy in my life.

This is a nice place to be. I am finally at that point too. I love him and I want it to work, but if he wants to file, then he needs to just file. I'm tired of being beat over the head or had the D held over my head as a threat. Do it, or don't, but move on, and I don't care which at this point. I'm TIRED!!!

Anyway. Just wanted you know I found you!

Melissa

[Sugar and Spice]

Hey H4H, I have missed your long posts. You sound like you are doing pretty well considering.

I'm still reading, just not posting a whole lot. Got your email, but things have been CRAZY at work. I will email you back soon as things slow down some.

[LL44]

I'm at the point of not trying to save my marriage anymore, I'm trying to be happy in my life.

I agree about being in this spot. So much better, and helps with healing. You aren't closing the door, but instead you are walking forward, and not always looking behind to see if W is following.

[whatdidido]

I like the way lwb just put it.

As you are walking forward, though, remember you are still married.

[Sugar and Spice]

I like the way lwb just put it.
As you are walking forward, though, remember you are still married.

Read this as, No alphabet soup or Alphabits!!!!!

[hopeful4her]

I'm back.

Considering how much I used to post, then practically nothing.

Feels kinda weird.

I had been doing the same old same old with the wife. The nice emails back and forth. Then Thursday 2 weeks ago, the girls are with me for my week. I went to get them at the apartment like usual. She asks if I work on Saturday and I let her know that I do and that the girls are going to spend the night at my parents Friday night. The wife offers for me to take them by on Saturday morning and she'll stay with them until I get off work. I tell her that they can stay at my parents house. Its what I usually do.
On the way home, of course my sister is driving, I ask the girls if they want to stay at grandma's Friday night or at their mom's place. They both say their mom's.

Later that night, I call the wife to let her know that I had given the girls a choice and that they wanted to stay with her Friday night. She got bent out of shape and asked why I did that. What if she had plans. I told her I was sorry, that I thought she had offered. She corrected me that she had offered Saturday morning, not Friday night. I apologized and told her to forget it. She says that now it will look like she doesn't want to be with the girls and that I shouldn't assume that she doesn't have plans, even though she DIDN'T have plans, supposedly. I apologized again and told her that I misunderstood. They'll go to my parents. Back and forth and she says she'll stay with them.

About 20 minutes later, after stewing, I call her back and tell her that I didn't appreciate what she said. I told her that I've changed my plans before to be with the girls. The starts to say that I've never had to change my plans, that she never gets a weekend blah blah. I remind her that I HAVE changed my plans, I just never let her know about it. Again, a little going back and forth and we leave it at that.

I've been pretty much NC with her ever since. As much as I can be at least, considering. Since then, the next week, she referred a client to me, left me a VM, has been reminding the girls to call me at night, called me last week to vent about S15 and his dad, HER ex called me to vent about the situation(I didn't take his call), emailed me about Spring Break, she caught me at the apartment and asked me to mediate a discussion between S15 and her, same night, we had a slight R discussion, I met her at Gym on Sunday to take her a check for her part of our tax refund.

At the gym, I played with the girls for a few minutes and then told them bye. The girls, that is. I have not been saying anything to her. As I was leaving, the girls give me another goodbye and I look back to say goodbye again. She is sitting at a machine and looks at me and says "GoodBYE" with a smirk. Like, "Don't ignore me....I'm right here."

I'll never understand. I said "bye" without stopping.

We're splitting this week, even though its my week. Spring Break. She has the week off and I only have Thurs/Fri/Sat off.

I BOUGHT MYSELF A CAR!!

Picked it up Saturday. The wife had to work, so I picked up all the kids, we all said a prayer and went to go see the car. I bought it after some haggling. I took them to go eat and we said another prayer that it be a good car and takes care of us.

I have my freedom back. No carpooling with my sister anymore. I did invite her to stay with me at the house if she wants to, and she is for now.

Its a '96 Chrysler Sebring Convertible. One owner, she's had everything done like it was supposed to, timing belt, struts, new top, tires...great condition. 51 year old nurse who says she drives like a grandma and admits to being anal.

Perfect person to buy a car from.

Hope everyone is doing well.

Walking away from the accident, getting myself a car(which I completly believe is a gift from God)...

I do believe that I am blessed, and have a new lease on life.

And gonna take advantage of it.

The night I bought the car, and after mediating the wife and son, she asked if I had bought it from my car dealer friend. I simply said,

"No. It was just God taking care of me again."