Positives Round-up Roping in a new R

[sage]

Right now, he's out in the river room reading the newspaper, it's the same old ritual from years and years. Last night we slept like an old married couple. He has a terrible cold and he was curled up on his side of the bed as if there was a fence between us in there. I write that off to his really not feeling well but it irks me just the same.

when I first started reading your paragraph I thought...wow, how lovely! they are back to a comfortable pattern of ease with each other ... but then I got to the end... IS there a wall between you or are you imagining it and reacting to it? Can you act "as if" you are cozy and comfortable with each other? One of the things my h and I do now that we never used to do before (because I was always running around someplace) is just sit and hang out. I've learned to love it and I know it's very important to him.

Also, my husband becomes SO withdrawn when he is sick (from a headache or stomach ache to something severe). I really think it's like a mini-MLC for him "will I ever feel better and whole again?" What could you do differently THIS time to change some patterns?

I guess MY expectations are to high. I want him knocking himself out showering ME with attention and affection....I'm beginning to think that if I ever want those things in my life again....I'll have to find them elsewhere.

2 things dramatically worked for me in this department...

1. appreciating the things he was doing (and thanking him for them)
2. NOT doing as much for him/us. I stopped planning everything, doing everything, etc. It let him start...and I was a delightful and oh-so-effusively-happy participant when he planned or did something for us.

Sounds like you need to shake up your day...jigsaw puzzle? video? twister?

Sage