I'm sorry I left early but I had an unfortunate experience with a cab driver the other day and I am now nervous about getting into the station too late!
No worries at all. Can I ask what the unfortunate experience was? I'm imagining all sorts of terrible things and hope you were OK.
Originally Posted By: JCJ
My main goal is for h and I to meet up more regularly in a social setting rather than a business/ talking house setting. Basically to be friends!
I liked the list of what has been working, but I wondered, reading this, how you're evaluating what has been working. i.e. what are the baby steps you're looking for and what would the next signs of H moving into a friendship look like? For me it was H initiating e-mails and telling me about what he'd been up to, H feeling comfortable in my company for increasing periods of time, H being able to relax in my presence and laugh, me being able to hear about his life without feeling sad/upset/angry etc etc. Once you've defined what you're looking for it'll be much easier to concoct a plan and some things to try in addition to what you've been doing already.
Originally Posted By: Julia
Or is the best plan to just do nothing? I suppose I am wondering if it is still too early to try experimenting yet and he needs to feel happy about the dynamic between us at the moment. The negative person in me says is it pointless to do this while he is still fogged and in a r with ow? I.e - he is not going to see me socially without guilt that he is cheating on her.
I think firstly it's never to early to start experimenting . The key is to do it with no expectations and to give each experiment a fair go, IMHO. I know in DR MWD says to try things for 2 weeks at a time, but if you're S with little contact it seems to me that the period of trying the new behaviour needs to extend aswell.
In relation to guilt that he's cheating on OW, I think if it's clear that you're only interested in friendship as a goal he oughtn't to be worried about 'cheating' so to speak. You have to do the reverse job of the OW here and seem all friendly and non-threatening to him in the way that they do when they first sink their claws into their prey.
Of the potential options, I agree with Ali on option 3 sounding like the best, and agree that offering a listening ear if he needs to talk might be a bit too much. I wondered if one thing to do might be to send a sympathy card with a few memories of his Grandpa that you have written in there? I did that when H's Grandma died last year and I think he appreciated it. (I know it's a while since you posted this though so it might be late now).
. The key is to do it with no expectations and to give each experiment a fair go, IMHO. I know in DR MWD says to try things for 2 weeks at a time, but if you're S with little contact it seems to me that the period of trying the new behaviour needs to extend aswell.