This has been a blah week. Partly because I have been in that funk and trying to claw my way out, and part of it because the funk is sort of self perpetuating because I notice that as I go 'cool' with H...he draws back too. I saw him Tuesday night, we had a nice visit. But then I worked Wed & Thus. nite so I only saw him for literally three minutes when he came by my job to say Hi before going home to take cold meds and pass out. I haven't been saying ILY or sounding very nice/upbeat lately so I've noticed he's not saying ILY to much this week. Because my schedule's been hectic this week even our normal phone chats have been less frequent and not as 'upbeat' as they had been although he continues to bring up the trip we're taking to Georgia the week of the 22nd and sounds as if he's looking forward to that week away with me.
He's working tonight but will be over around 10:30 to spend the weekend. He doesn't feel well (summer cold) so maybe his blahness is due to that and NOT a reaction to my being a twit lately, who knows. HE did however make me feel icky when he called before to let me know what time he'd be over. He said, "Do you need me to pick anything up on my way ho...over there?" AS IF he caught himself almost saying "HOME" and didn't want to refer to our house as "HOME". So I didn't like that especially after what I'd just said to him Tuesday night. That makes me think he's still determined to some degree in his mind to NOT see our house as his HOME anymore.
I will let this go for now and not feed off it negatively. I will see how he 'acts' this weekend (and just as our luck would have it the weather may be miserable and coop us up which is NOT good for either of us).
I see my H and I developing a pattern...when we spend weekends together we're great for days after...but since I only have alternate weekends off etc. by the beginning of the second week we both begin to 'distance' emotionally from not having the eye to eye contact to keep each other 'up'....You'd think he'd see that as a sign that he should be here building something more permanent between us instead of this coming together and moving apart dance we continue to do by living in seperte houses.
Oh well, lets see how the weekend goes. This backwards and forwards is wearing me down.
T2
