Some volatile stuff here. But as LL pointed out, a LOT of us vascillate between emotions. I've been going through a bit of "I want HIM to feel how I felt" sentiment.
I know what that anger feels like. I think it's part of the healing process...we have to sit with it, feel it, decide what best to do with it. Venting here is always a good choice.
Kewlkitti...I KNOW exactly what you mean too. When Bomb #1 hit ALL of my anger fled immediately. My most familiar, most frequent emotion, my cover, my "friend", my power, was GONE.
I felt nothing but deep anguish and sadness and fear. KK, I felt this way for MONTHS. It wasn't until OW called and revealed herself that my anger re-emerged. And boy DID IT...for one night.
Shiny
P.S. I know the poster who responded in detail to your rant was pointing out the vitriol in your post, but I happen to know that you can absolutely love someone, yet at times wish they could suffer as you have, sometimes feel like you hate them. I think the opposite of love is indifference, not hate.
Quote: ?"...well, he must have remembered that thru the 'fog' and apparently went this past weekend and had it recolored. Guess that means something.
You bet it does! And something else; I like that Place and home thing! It's there close enough to reach out and take it if you want! That's right you have a good chance of having a better M! I envy you, but at least you have hope and your H is giving you his heart for the taking. If you love it, set it free, if it was meant to be yours, it will come back, if not it was never meant to be yours. It's meant to be yours T2 and I'm glad you are seeing it. Don't rush, take your time and work through the whole process, and it will end up being better than ever! I'm proud of you! Deb
Happiness is like a butterfly: the more you chase it, the more it will elude you, but if you turn your attention to other things, it will come and sit softly on your shoulder.... (thoreau)
This has been a blah week. Partly because I have been in that funk and trying to claw my way out, and part of it because the funk is sort of self perpetuating because I notice that as I go 'cool' with H...he draws back too. I saw him Tuesday night, we had a nice visit. But then I worked Wed & Thus. nite so I only saw him for literally three minutes when he came by my job to say Hi before going home to take cold meds and pass out. I haven't been saying ILY or sounding very nice/upbeat lately so I've noticed he's not saying ILY to much this week. Because my schedule's been hectic this week even our normal phone chats have been less frequent and not as 'upbeat' as they had been although he continues to bring up the trip we're taking to Georgia the week of the 22nd and sounds as if he's looking forward to that week away with me.
He's working tonight but will be over around 10:30 to spend the weekend. He doesn't feel well (summer cold) so maybe his blahness is due to that and NOT a reaction to my being a twit lately, who knows. HE did however make me feel icky when he called before to let me know what time he'd be over. He said, "Do you need me to pick anything up on my way ho...over there?" AS IF he caught himself almost saying "HOME" and didn't want to refer to our house as "HOME". So I didn't like that especially after what I'd just said to him Tuesday night. That makes me think he's still determined to some degree in his mind to NOT see our house as his HOME anymore.
I will let this go for now and not feed off it negatively. I will see how he 'acts' this weekend (and just as our luck would have it the weather may be miserable and coop us up which is NOT good for either of us).
I see my H and I developing a pattern...when we spend weekends together we're great for days after...but since I only have alternate weekends off etc. by the beginning of the second week we both begin to 'distance' emotionally from not having the eye to eye contact to keep each other 'up'....You'd think he'd see that as a sign that he should be here building something more permanent between us instead of this coming together and moving apart dance we continue to do by living in seperte houses.
Oh well, lets see how the weekend goes. This backwards and forwards is wearing me down.
T2
Hi T2~ Even though you feel BLAH, there are still lots of positives in your situation! Remember to keep your expectations low! That is one of my biggest problems--I expect too much too quickly!
Quote: by the beginning of the second week we both begin to 'distance' emotionally from not having the eye to eye contact to keep each other 'up'
This is why it is so hard to Db when separated, it seems like just when you make an emotional connection, they are gone again....at least that is the case with me Is there anything you can do to maiantain contact during that second week? Phone calls, emails, stop by at work?? Just an idea!
Hang in there--you sound good!!
Can you stop by and see me? My anniversary is next week and I need advice on how to handle it! Thanks!
Happiness is like a butterfly: the more you chase it, the more it will elude you, but if you turn your attention to other things, it will come and sit softly on your shoulder.... (thoreau)
Sun, between his alternate weekend stays we do talk daily on the phone and see each other at least for a few hours one or two nights a week BUT as you said, at least on MY part the on again off again physical separation just brings me down.
I guess I have gotten to the point that I feel he and I are comfortable enough and safe enough with each other that there's really NO valid excuse for him to continue to have his own place except that he WANTS to retain (even if only unconciously) some CONTROL over all this by coming and going as he pleases.
Right now, he's out in the river room reading the newspaper, it's the same old ritual from years and years. Last night we slept like an old married couple. He has a terrible cold and he was curled up on his side of the bed as if there was a fence between us in there. I write that off to his really not feeling well but it irks me just the same.
The weather is rainy/drizzly here today so our ability to do much is dampened and I get squirrelly when I'm trapped in the house with him like this...I hate when we are doing nothing and acting like the boring old days of our M. I know it has to stink for him too.
He's probably resenting my being in here on this puter (he hates this thing) but I'm to blah to care.
I guess MY expectations are to high. I want him knocking himself out showering ME with attention and affection....I'm beginning to think that if I ever want those things in my life again....I'll have to find them elsewhere.
T2
Quoting Trying24now: Right now, he's out in the river room reading the newspaper, it's the same old ritual from years and years. Last night we slept like an old married couple. He has a terrible cold and he was curled up on his side of the bed as if there was a fence between us in there. I write that off to his really not feeling well but it irks me just the same.
when I first started reading your paragraph I thought...wow, how lovely! they are back to a comfortable pattern of ease with each other ... but then I got to the end... IS there a wall between you or are you imagining it and reacting to it? Can you act "as if" you are cozy and comfortable with each other? One of the things my h and I do now that we never used to do before (because I was always running around someplace) is just sit and hang out. I've learned to love it and I know it's very important to him.
Also, my husband becomes SO withdrawn when he is sick (from a headache or stomach ache to something severe). I really think it's like a mini-MLC for him "will I ever feel better and whole again?" What could you do differently THIS time to change some patterns?
Quote: I guess MY expectations are to high. I want him knocking himself out showering ME with attention and affection....I'm beginning to think that if I ever want those things in my life again....I'll have to find them elsewhere.
2 things dramatically worked for me in this department...
1. appreciating the things he was doing (and thanking him for them) 2. NOT doing as much for him/us. I stopped planning everything, doing everything, etc. It let him start...and I was a delightful and oh-so-effusively-happy participant when he planned or did something for us.
Sounds like you need to shake up your day...jigsaw puzzle? video? twister?
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
I totally understand how you are feeling, T2. When I think about getting back with my H, I tend to think of the "good old days", not the past few years. I wouldn't want to go back to the past few years, and truthfully, that is what keeps me moving forward. I guess you have to shake things up right now. Is there a 180 that you could do? What did you enjoy doing together when you were at your happiest? I know this is hard, but at least you have the opportunity and the choice to save your M--I am happy for you!
Happiness is like a butterfly: the more you chase it, the more it will elude you, but if you turn your attention to other things, it will come and sit softly on your shoulder.... (thoreau)
