TRAUMA/DRAMA...I NEED HELP FROM THE DALIA LAMA

[smiles76]

Due to a household emergency, my H was here at the house with me all day. This made for a very hard day. I wanted to hug him, kiss him and pull him into the bedroom. The desire to ML is odd because in the past although I wanted affection (hugs/kisses/ILY)I had lost the desire to ML.

Another strange thing, my husband always nagged me about my housekeeping and it really bothered me and the more he nagged the less I did around the house. Since he moved out I have truely enjoyed cleaning up and organizing. It started off as a way to avoid angering my H but now it is just a routine I am in and I don't even mind it.

Also, we had to work together on the household project. Working together recently has always lead to an arguement...didn't happen today. But I did get a little sad thinking that alot of times the reason we ended up squabbling had nothing to do with the project and more to do with the resentment I was holding inside. I would be angry inside but never express it and then blow up over nothing.

I was remembering a recent hiking trip where I threw an actual tantrum like a two-year old, not over what he was asking me but because I felt that through out the trip he had given more attention to the group than to time with me

I just cringe when I look at a lot of my behaviors...I have not been very adult in my relationship.

A couple weeks ago my husband shared with me that he had been discussing "us" with a friend. He told his friend that he believed once he went through with the divorce he would regret it because I am such a beautiful, smart, good person and a package like that is hard to find. He said that his friend's advice was to move forward with the divorce because we could always re-marry if we were to realize we had made a mistake.

We are both finally beginning to see the mistakes we both made. In the past we were so concerned with defending our position and making the other person the bad guy that we didn't take responsibility for our own actions.

It is just hard to know if it is possible to get past all those mistakes...did we destroy what should have been our relationship base.

I want to rebuild the base, not sure my H does. I think it is possible...is it easier to start fresh with someone without the baggage---sure, probably.

The thing is, if we could start fresh I think we could be AWESOME.

We are a match so well suited (I know I sound crazy given the website I am on)

But we both love the outdoors, love trivia, love good conversation and good wine. And when we're together and not having relationship talk I feel a little bit of the early "us" still there....

Hope is the thing with the feathers
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without words,
And never stops at all.

Living separately and not going on "dates" anymore is hard

Should I invite him on a "date"?

I fear that with no interaction we'll both just give up.