Gypsy and Forest Gump, Thank you for responding...it helps me focus my thoughts rather than continually turning the same thoughts over and over again in my own head.
I have spent a lot of time determining my wants and needs within myself and within the relationship. I am doing a lot of reading and keeping a journal. I like to go back through the journal and re-evaluate myself.
I participate in individual counseling but not in marriage counseling.
I believe co-dependence had been a big issue for me so that is an area I have chosen to focus on improving
I do pretty well with my GAL am busy going out with friends and doing my various athletics
I will try to validate vs. apologize---you are right that will be more effective for both of us
I think my attempt at going dark just made me seem cold and angry---I basically cut him off completely and it kind of backfired...thinking about this, it might be better if I set up some boundaries I would be comfortable with and shared those boundaries with my husband.
Initially I viewed the EA/?PA as a deal breaker however I was too afraid to get out of the relationship---the more I "grow" myself the more I realize that given the state of our relationship I can understand how it could have happened. He recently shared with me that he felt I had been involved in an EA of my own (in a way I agree) and he always suspected a PA (definitely never happened, but I did avoid being alone with this person to prevent one).
I agree that there is most likely an element of "more of the same" going on----I am trying to improve my contributions to the cycle
Me:32 H:33 No Kids M 10.5 years T 12 years Separated 11/08
