T2, Just catching up on your posts. I love the "fly on the locker room wall story!" Gave me a lot of understanding on the man's part! Here is something that was posted on MLC. It's from Men are from Mars...
Quote: When a relationship ends, we cling to the hope of reconciliation sometimes to cope with our fears and insecurity. This holding onto hope protects us from having to confront our fears and from feeling the depth of our loss. As long as we believe we may get back together, we do not have to consider starting over. Although we may experience some relief, living in the hope of getting back together actually prevents us from completing the healing process. Living in hope prevents us from facing our fears and then letting go of our insecurity.
Even if there really is some hope of reconciliation, the best way to open that door is first to acknowledge emotinally that right now it is not only closed, but locked. We need to let go of hope in order to feel fully and release our pain. Although this is the best thing we can do for ourselves, it is also the best way to unlock the door of reconciliation.
When a relationship ends, it can only be rebuilt on a new foundation of understanding and forgiveness. As long as we are holding on to our hurt, then we have not fully forgiven our partner. When we continue to hurt, it can cause our parnter to continue feeling guilty. Anything we say or do to make him feel guilty will only make it more difficult for him to find a desire to return.
If reconcilitation is to happen, both partners must change or correct themselves in some way. By fully grieving the end of a relationship, we are eventually able to release our hurt with forgiveness, understanding, and gratitude. By releasing our pain, we are able to find an inner strength and trust that we can get the love we need.
With this new unattatched awareness, we are no longer meedy, desperate, clingy, anxious, or insecure. In this healthy state of mind and heart, we are then capable of making the necessary adjustments in ourselves either to attract our partner back or to recognize that he is not right for us. By successfully grieving the end of a relationship, we are able to either reconcile or to find a new and better relationship with ourselves.
When I read this I realized we have to let go of the past and start over with a new R with our H. I thought of it when I was reading your posts. You haven't fully let go. You haven't forgiven yourself or your H. I think that is why you can't start a new R with your H. Let go of the pain and the past, or you will get stuck there and not be able to move in the right direction. Your H wants to, but you are stuck. And you haven't forgiven him, come to grips with it! He has grown and you are still in the hole! Come on T2, will it help if I reach down and help pull you out! Let go of the bitterness and if you have to get out the duct tape, sometimes I think I could use some! Deb
Let go of the bitterness and if you have to get out the duct tape, sometimes I think I could use some!
