I asked W if she would come to the movies with me and the kids tomorrow, as S11 had asked to do something as a family.
Well, that just set off a bomb.
W- "No, I don't think we should do that. It would give the kids the wrong idea"
me-"What do you mean?"
W- "I just don't want them to think anything has changed between us."
me- "Nothing has changed, I'm just suggesting we do something all together because we told the kids we would try and do something as a family once a week."
W- "They're going to have to face it sooner or later"
me - "What are you talking about?"
W- "I just don't see us living together any more?"
me - "Ever?"
W - "No, I keep thinking that if something was going to change, it would have by now. I can't deny my feelings, I just don't have those feelings for you any more, and I don't think I ever will"
me - "I can understand that your feelings have changed. I'm also holding on to hope that they will change again"
W- "They won't, you deserve someone who really loves you."
me- "You know we'll always be connected through the kids, and I won't ever stop loving you."
W- "I can't understand why you do after all I've put you through"
me- "I promised you I would love you forever. I meant what I said."
W - "I know"
me - "And I'm not asking for any decision or anything. I'm giving you the space you asked for, let's just leave it at that."
W- "whatever"
So that was the gist of the conversation. No eye contact, W looked extremely somber, I tried to project PMA but I know my voice was probably shaky.
I know I broke so many of the Db rules, getting drawn into a R discussion, but it was like a runaway freight train. It just kept picking up speed and I couldn't derail it.
So how do I recover from this? I know I need to detach more and not talk R any more, but now it seems like she has made her decision, and the next step is the lawyers. Is there a glimmer of hope in there, or am I deluding myself?
