Thanks, K. I am reading your thread every day several times a day, I just don't have a lot of wisdom/experience since you are a few steps ahead of me in this... But I am glad you came over for a visit.
BTW the reason the hockey game was significant besides the date of it, was that one of the goals I set with the DB coach was to have more fun family together times. (Like the home show last weekend) Because it is a non-threatening way for H to spend time with me and remember that we can have FUN together.
That worked for me too. It wasnt outings, more lunches at home but I guess it made him feel we could still have some kind of functional relationship...
He just texted me that he "finally got what he wanted, a 70 lbbull calf" from his best genetic combination yet of a bull and heifer, "but I amstupid and he is dead", meaning he is dumb and the bull died.
Then he sent another that said "guess God does punish your foryour sins sooner or later" and then "I won't let it happen again"
WTF.....I hate that he is hurting so much. I guess he thinks losing the potential "perfect calf" is punishment for what he has done to me, to us?
I just sent back that I knew how much the calf meant to him and I was so very sorry, that I didn't know why he felt he was stupid but that I was very sad he felt that way.
Not much else I can do. This is one of those times I would be there trying to hold him and comfort him and he would be tearing up everything in the barn in his frustration/disappointment. But he is there and I am here watching Star Wars (again!) with my kids...
So I talked to H on the phone last night. He was pretty upset about it, and blamed himself, because he didn't pen the mother up in the barn ahead of time so the calf was born out in the wind and snow and was out there for hours before he found them...
But there is nothing either of us can do to change that. He said he has learned his lesson and will not let that happen to his cows again.
Meanwhile I get to go shovel 4-5 inches off my sidewalk. Yippee.
Yes, I was thinking that too Sara, like its a lesson to him, to take care of the important things and not just let things slide. Bobbi, glad your H continues to want to spend time with you and I LOVED the fact you got some DB coaching and sounds like it was invaluable advice!! Good for you, I hope you start to see some results from now on, by changing your behaviour to Dan...
Al x
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
Does this mean that he has learned that you have to take care of the things you value? Does it go beyond livestock? Could it also apply to humans?
This is what you would think, Sara. It seems he doesn't transfer these lessons very well. When he said that remark about God punishing him for his sins, well, if he truly believed that, he should extend that logic to say that until he straightens up and behaves like a husband/father should, he will continue to have problems. (Not that I think the calf dying was truly a Biblical punishment, but H acts like he believes it)
Yes, he said he learned his lesson about not valuing his animals. We shall see if he ever learns to value his people.
The one positive I am taking away from it all is that he texted me about it immediately after it happened. And he texted me to call him right after the work debacle Wednesday. It seems when the going gets tough, his first reaction is still to reach out to me...
They are so cryptic in their messages aren't they? Star Wars huh.... well it beats Hannah Montana or whatever other brain damage my 12year old D likes to watch. I hope you have a great week!
M:47 M:18 D16, S19 1st S 1/08-5/08 Reconciled/May 7, 2008 Left again Nov 9, 2009 I Filed: Nov 17, 2009 Final: April 14, 2010 EX walked away from kids too
