Guess I'm venting this morning. I asked W if we could go to bed early tonight. She got pissed and said that she thought Wed night/Thur early hours was our time for the week. I got mad that she thinks that if we did it once we can't do it again anytime soon. She went into a whole rant about how she can't be woken at night because then she is too tired the next day. I told her that it was not me waking her that was the problem, it was that she went to bed late almost every night that week. I told her I just don't think it's fair that I get all of the blame for her being exhausted Friday, and that she went out of her way to tell me she was. We talked about ML on weekends and she said that she really enjoyed last Saturday, but if she feels pressured, she wont want to do it again. grrr. I told her that it feels like she controls when we have sex and I am just like a dog begging for it. Apparently this one night of waking her felt really good and she enjoyed it, but doesn't want it to happen again. Once again the conversation went back to her schedule. She says the reason she stays up late is to wind down so she doesn't go to sleep tense.
Is it fair for her to tell me, absolutely no sex on weekdays, and even though I'm making you wait until the weekend, I can't guarantee that either because I don't want to feel pressured by such a schedule?
She complained about me touching her this morning, saying that she was just starting to get comfortable with non-sexual touch, and now she can't trust me not to touch her sexually. How is it that if I touch her sexually one fricken time, it means all my other non-sexual touches had sexual intentions? Am I just supposed to never touch her sexually unless she tells me it is a time that I can, even though she never initiates such times?
I'm so mad at her this morning. She is completely brushing my needs aside and setting up our relationship to fail.
The worse line this morning was: "See, it is times like this that I really feel like I can't do this anymore". Okay so now the whole R is in question again?
Don't know what today holds. Our old pattern is to hold anger inside and treat each other badly. Going to have to figure out a way to work through today, but it is going to be tough, since these issues run really deep and the conversation this morning struck the the rawest nerve I have.
Guess I need to practice what I preach today! I am only human, right?
"One step back, two steps forward."
Wish me luck, SF
Spellfire aka Mike
"Women do not like controlling men. They respect and are attracted to men who control themselves. They ultimately are repelled by men who allow themselves to be controlled." -S&A
