NNP, you are just a few months from getting benefits, hang in there that long! That will make a huge difference for the rest of your life.
The other day my H was talking about wanting something, I don't even remember what it was. In our better days normally I would talk positive about how we could get it and how to proceed. This time I just said 'not getting that is part of splitting our lives'. While his face never changed I could see the alarm flash in his eyes.
Does your H ever get a reality check?
(((NNP)))
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.