Matilda and Aud, This past week I've been putting effort into seeking out connection in the dancing and writing communities. I ventured out on Tuesday night to a different venue to practice at least once during the week. There were about a dozen people there, and I felt comfortable in the small group.
I went to a poetry reading downtown sponsored by the literary organization I belong to. The poet read poetry that was personal and accessible. I hadn't been to this venue in probably a year, so it felt good to resume my networking in the writing community.
My writing seems to be moving into a different genre. I tried writing short stories two years ago, and was stuck, though learned a lot about the craft of fiction. I tried writing poetry last year, and was stuck, though learned about the elements of a poem and now enjoy reading poetry.
I've started reading creative nonfiction essays---personal and literary journalism. I've decided I'm going to try writing personal essays. This type of writing will fit my natural strengths better, as I'm educated in the social sciences and am used to reading and writing nonfiction and doing library research.
However, there's a side of me yearning to be creative. Creative nonfiction incorporates the research skills of writing nonfiction, with storytelling. This may be an easier way for me to incorporate the fiction techniques of storytelling, which I want to develop. I think I'm on the right track.
My W and I are cordial. Our conversation is pleasant. This is far better than the irritable person I've been living with for the past several months. The problem is now there is distance.There must be a way to have a fulfilling personal life, pursuing your own passions, and be connected in a mutually satisfying way. The R of the past several months and past 15 years had to end.
We communicate daily by email. DB talks about finding a medium where you can communicate constructively.
She did imply that she wanted me to show-up last night at her regular dance venue, and to make sure I ask her to dance, as long as I keep being nice to her. I went to the venue, to create an opportunity for connection, and waited for an hour. She never arrived. Maybe she arrived after I left.
I listen to Tara Brach audio podcasts daily. The themes are consistent with what I'm working on in my life--connection, nonreactivity, acceptance, being nonjudgmental, presence, listening, awareness. It's hard work trying not to be reactive, judgmental, defensive, and self-centered about my situation. I agree with what she says, and think my struggle means that I'm making effort.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
