I have been wanting to write to you as I see you've made some progress. But, work had been in the way. I have a weekend off finally, and need to get some things done around the house. You are doing really, really well. I think our H's are somewhat similar. I am not sure why, but going dark has been good for me. I did call him on my BDay and I cried a little bit. He never even said Happy Birthday to me until I flat out said, "Today is my BDay." Then he said it. He did show a little compassion for me in his voice when I began to weep, so I guess that is good.
First off, I love what Laurie said to you. She's awesome!
I posted a note to a thread I had there on the Newcomers board and she posted back. Really good advice, Laurie. THANK you. I think you are absolutely right about not giving him the chance to be mean to me. I really am starting to realize how mean he is by not acknowledging me. It's so weird tho. He seems to want to talk to me when I call, but then he can't stay on long...always has to go.
Here is a reminder of what Laurie said:
"As you already know JJ, your feelings aren't the best way to gauge the interaction - the outcome is a more true indicator (and I know you know this too!)." That is so true....
If I could just let it sink in a little and process it myself, I may be able to glean some personal self-knowledge out of it too.
One think I have to write here is an outcome of my convo with him last weekend. As you know, he called and said he wanted to "settle" and basically, get this over with. He gave me his atty's phone number, but when I called her, she never called me back. She did call him and they talked on Monday, but so far, I haven't heard a thing. That's what gets me, when he's mad, (and he was mad from something I said to him on Valentine's Day) he wants to rush things along. But, now, I'm back in limbo again. He hasn't called to set up a time. His attorney never called me back either. So, here I sit.
I did mention the scenario to my IC last night and I told her about DB and "baby steps" and she did see his "compassion" as a bit of a step. But apparently it's not enough.
I'm just going to clean my house today and maybe take myself out for a salad in the afternoon. Might go for a massage tomorrow. We'll see.
Jojo, when I figure out how our H's are similar, I'll write it here. BTW, we were married for 12 years, now going on 13. He was gun-ho and hellbent on divorcing me last summer. That was almost ten months ago. What has changed?
hugs, poet
p.s. I think I feel much more comfortable posting here than on my own thread/s.
