Your head seems like it's in a good place and you're doing all the right things. Detaching is in varying degrees, and I think I only got the full DETACHING stage, when I was 99% sure that the D was coming and I had better get detached quick. On the co-dependence book, you might want to try the audio version. It's about 8 hours, but the reader's voice is very calming and I've listened to most of it 3 or 4 times. You can get it off audible.com (or through Amazon), or the iTunes store and put it on your iPod or MP3 player. I like to listen to these books while working out at the gym - two birds with one stone.
DBing has been great and life-changing for the most part, but, at least for me, on the M side, it focuses too much attention on what I should do (180's, GALing, not pursuing) for the M, to get my W back. It also causes one to watch the W's every action and reaction to gauge effectiveness and offer hope. I used to journal every morning as to what my W's and my interactions were the previous day - what she did, what she said, etc. Talk about "other-centeredness". I also did the same with my DB coach spending 45 minutes of the session talking about my W. The obvious control lesson for me was that you can only control yourself.
I had read it before here but cringed at the prospect - many posters talked about losing their M, but finding themselves, growing, being happy and healthy and looking forward to their post-D life. I just HATED reading that, because I was insistent, my M was going to survive. Now that it seems like it's not, I found myself, found some calm, and now after I endure the pain, I will not only be alright, but be in a better life that I will create.
There's no denying that the kids' thing SUCKS, but most of us want the best for them - they'll be OK, And there will be positive effects for them when they aren't living with a mom and dad that don't love and respect each other.
