To the mother ship: WHEN DO I GET MY HUSBAND BACK?

[ddstartingover]

So, D12 had a bb game last night. I thought I had everything we needed since she was with me when she played her last game----but no. I had to contact H and ask if he had her shoes. I thought since I had contacted him, he might suggest that we ride together, but I didn't bring it up. He said he just finished a run and needed to shower---could bring the shoes out first. I said, no, just leave them on his porch and I would get them. So I did.

H showed up about 2 minutes into 1st quarter. I do think I could smell alcohol on his breath, so that hasn't stopped. He wasn't disoriented though, good since the game is 30 minutes from home. He sat in front of D and I. I could tell he wanted to scoot back to the back row with us (to have a back rest), but he would have to sit by me...and he COULDN'T do that.......it made me smile. A little talk about D, and game, and baseball practice for today. When we left, I went straight to the car-----it was freezing. H walked out with us and said goodnight to the kids. No one mentioned that I told them we would go for icecream after the game. In the recent past, I would have invited him----to have any chance to be together. I did my best to be upbeat.

While at the game my D15 showed me how hairy her legs were. She's been waiting for her BF to ask her to the prom. I told her that maybe he would ask if she would shave!!! We talked about how funny it would be if I asked her BF if he would ask her if she shaved-----so I then sent him a TM and asked. He later responded, said he would consider it.....and could he ask me a question. I told him "maybe....." Not having any idea what it could be. He then asked me to talk to D. Said she is really upset about her mom and dad and needed me to talk to her. I told him that I had always been open, and there really wasn't anything to say, but I talked with her a bit.

It was awkward, to be told by a 16 year old that I needed to talk to my D-----but then none of our kids act like any of this is bothering them, so at least now I know it is. BF is a good kid, but the thought of my D and him following the same path H and I did is frightening......BF said in his text that he wanted me to talk to D because neither of us want to see her cry....so my final TM to him was "please never hurt her.........."

So there will be no contact with H unless he initiates. He knows schedule for the day...............Oh, and LITTLE GREEN MEN: How did you make H become so cold and uncaring!!! I can't even believe that he hasn't asked me how my mother is doing. I mentioned that I would need to keep an eye on her this weekened since we spent Thursday morning in the ER.........I only told him because we might be there when D or S had ball practice. He said ok. Didn't ask how she was doing. The woman who has been his MIL for almost 23 years. He called her mom. Always had very nice things to say about her...........

In our final e-mail communication last week H said "...I feel like I can't have any of the feelings you deserve.....and that I am emotionally done...." I have been trying to wrap my mind around all of that. I guess he also can't even CARE about my family members---people that have been his family for 23 years..... I'm not even going to tell him about my sister (his favorite) who at age 49 had to have cataract surgery. She had her second on Thursday and yesterday had to go in for emergency surgery to reposition the lens because it rotated.

It was a long week. So much going on...........the never-ending life sucking from H (that has to stop!!), my mom, my sister, fighting with contractor about his final bill on my remodel. All a reminder that H is out of the picture..........his soul is on the mother ship...............