Hi lost...I'm breakaway. I'm sorry we find you here but so glad you came! You've been carrying a lot on your shoulders. This will be a good place to get understanding and advice. And hugs.
Originally Posted By: lost-n-Iowa
Anyway, on Tuesday he decided that he wanted to got to work with me so that he could spend some extra time with me before he left. (At my job I am able to take my husband and kids with me when I want or if I need to) I did not say no to the idea of him going with me becasue I did not want to cause any trouble, though I really did not want to spend time with him. Is that wrong of me to feel that way?
Of course it isn't wrong to feel that way. Your feelings aren't wrong...they are just feelings. You've been made to doubt yourself so long that you even begin questioning that. Anyway, I don't think anyone would want to spend time with someone so controlling and abusive.
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I am confused. How can some one want to be intimate with thier significant other when they are treated like crap and when they are EXPECTED to be that way?
Of course you don't want to be intimate with someone who is mistreating you and demanding sex as your duty. It sounds like your H is the one who's confused about how to treat people and enjoy intimacy and love.
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As the pattern will go...we will be okay for another day or so, then the weekend will get here and he will get upset when he finds out that I am not sitting on the couch and that I have gone out with my parents and friends. Then we will argue. Then he will say or do something nice and we will be fine for a little bit. Then he will get mad at me when I tell him that I am not staying home next weekend and have plans then too. We will fight again. Oh, don't forget he will call when I am out and will say stupid things to me which is usually his attempt to ruin my evening since I went out when he was not home. (We never go out when he is anyway). Then we will be fine, then he will be coming home and he will start a fight the day before he leaves to come home so that I will be mad when he gets here. THe pattern repeats itself every damn time!!!
Any ideas???????
It is SO difficult not to get angry when someone is pushing your buttons. But, if you can try not to take the bait...if you can remain calm even when he is saying things to anger you...then he's not left with much to keep the fight going. It's a hard thing to master however, especially with someone who's good at finding the right buttons to push.
I'm only just starting to be able to ignore those sorts of comments from my H, or just look at him when he's trying to start a fight.
Do you find that he ever starts an argument, and then when you get angry...he blames it on you. You know...the "see how you are?" kind of thing?
I'm sorry I don't have tons of ideas right now, I'm getting ready for bed! Just wanted to stop by and offer my support. And to let you know that you are not wrong for feeling frustrated, angry, and hurt by your husband's actions. You deserve better.
