For me it is a matter of getting my wife to forgive me - not me her.
You can't get her to. Just trust in time she will be able to. Here is my realization that allowed me to truly forgive her. I was standing there asking her to forgive me for all the things I had done, and then it hit me, I am a hypocrite if I cannot lead by example and forgive the things that hurt me. You may think there is little to forgive, but those moments of anger and resentment are little voices saying otherwise.
Quote:
I wasn't supportive when I should have been and seriously damaged our relationship. I'm trying to make up for it. She isn't a forgive and forget person. Somehow I have to get her to believe in me again. It may not be possible but I am going to give it my best shot.
You do it by working on you, and by showing her through consistent actions that you are changing.
Quote:
I am handicapped DB wise. I've been divorced and am not afraid of it and know life will be fine afterwards. Thus... sometimes I get down and say F it - I'll start over - I'm still young enough. I think she's worth the effort but dang it if sometimes I feel the work is too much - when at times it seems so little result is happening. I think it is and will be worth it and will/am continuing to try.
If you have been divorced before, you know that a change in partner does not always change the dynamic. The reason is because 50% of the previous R is also in the current one: you.
No, it is not all your fault, but the 50% you put into it is significant enough to completely affect every aspect, including how your partner treats and responds to you.
Key: DBing is about making a better you. Does it save every R? No, but it does rule out the possibility that the person being left behind is the problem.
Spellfire aka Mike
"Women do not like controlling men. They respect and are attracted to men who control themselves. They ultimately are repelled by men who allow themselves to be controlled." -S&A
