Yup mine too. At first I stayed in my room alot. Now I just sort of act like normal. We talk about S, the house, etc...Once in a while we have some really enlightening conversation. It was really hard at the beginning, back in September after the bomb, but it has for the most part gotten easier. Still wierd but easier. Some days I cook and he acts like he can't believe I would ever do anything nice for him, other days, we plan the menu together. We do things with our S, go out to dinner, it is probably one of the most f'd up things you have ever heard of. We have even taken to texting each other from our separate bedrooms but it has taken a long time to get where we are now. Which is by no means great or even really indicative that we will remain together.
The beginning was the worst. There was a lot of nastiness and aruging, which is unusual for us, there was also a lot of silence and a lot of me crying. But then I realized that this was an opportunity for me. To figure out who I was besides a mom and wife. I like having my own space and my own bathroom LOL. I like a lot of it and miss a lot of it. I have grown in ways I never would have imagined. I have new friends and I'm really good. So I don't think we are a shining example of anything except just taking things day by day. If either of us needs space we give it. So that is it in a nutshell. There are people around here who would tell you that I am crazy and that is probably true LOL. It is just different and probably a lot more like it was when we first started dating if that makes any sense. He has his life, I have mine and whenever the two shall meet....
If you focus on the past, you ruin the future. You can only live for today.
I guess I should tell you that for us the "goal" is to become friends. And eventually get D, someday like the song says, someday...... H is just starting to learn that being friends with me feels different than him being friends with someone else. He says it makes him feel like we are a couple again. And he is not so comfortable with that. All I can say is maybe that is how it is supposed to feel and that is that.
If you focus on the past, you ruin the future. You can only live for today.
Half one in the morning before our first counselling together and he has just brought someone back to stay that has been thrown out by girlfriend. Can you believe that/ Well, depression, MLC, I don't give a sh@t anymore.
I'M NOT HAVING THIS. Go dark, detach, I'll detach his head from his shoulders.
Saying to me it's alright, everything is alright. This guy knows we have a spare room and will wonder whhy he#s not in it. Well H can p*ss right off if he thinks he is coming in here.
was very difficult for him and he still can't tell me what it is that has made him feel like this. He said he is upset that he hadn't fixed it as he felt he was the fixer in our relationship and he hates confrontation.
He didn't want to say anything in past few weeks in case he was just confused. Said that when he sold the business, it cleared his head to realise that he was unhappy in our marriage. He was hoping it would just go away.
We have another appointment in 10 days and he knows he has to tell me and open up. I didn't realise how difficult he said he feels opening up. We will try going out ourselves a couples of times and see how we get on.
We are to try find a solution to being comfortable with each other. He said he did feel comfortable but I don't.
He said I was still his best friend
So is this where I really do GAL????
I think its quite positive. What do you guys think?
Sometimes if they can't fix it, that makes them feel like a failure in some ways. My H and I have never been the type to tell others if we have problems, but everyone comes to both of us with their problems. My H didn't feel like he was doing right because he couldn't figure out how to fix how he felt, and because he didn't talk to others about us, he felt even worse. It was the typical EA set up, he found someone else who was having problems and she began to talk to H about the problems she was having with her BF and him being abusive, H opened up to her that he felt I had an affair, and it just grew from there.
My H says I am still his best friend, and in some ways we still are..., I don't know. That is where I am not very good at this, as I have set a boundary to him about seeing her and I. It is complicated...well in my head anyway.
It sounds very positive to me that he is willing to work with you and go to C. That is a plus, IMO.
I do understand what you say about feeling comfortable with each other, it is hard. We have never had problems talking, I am a talker, but there are times, where there is silence. Living in the same house, when it got awkward I would try to find something else to do in another room.
You can always GAL. Remember you want to take care of you and make you feel better, a happier upbeat you makes it easier for H to notice that you are someone he wants to be with. If you don't end up together you are learning to live a life for you and not for someone else. I am still working on this one, trust me! It isn't easy, but it is something that is good for you no matter what might happen!
Take care Regrets and rest. Kel is gone this weekend, I am no where as good with advice as she is!
Well PMA and thoughts, got a joke text from H was nice as it had nothing to do with shopping etc.
Two of my outside work friends are refusing to take no for an answer so I'm going out tomorrow.
out the blue, an old work mate called to meet on Tue and girls in work are arranging a night out for me when H goes on stag do.
People are lovely.
Bit worried nights will clash if H asks me to go out but I'm determined to go out an we can rearrange, H won't mind if I explain and I think he wants me to get out.
I'm terribly sad and have been kidding him on I've been out both nights and I said I NEVER LIE suppose that's a 180 lol
3.30 am I've woken up and he is still not home. I really thought that after counselling he would have made an effort. Because it is so unlike him to do this it makes me more upset.
Tomorrow he will spend the day in bed with hangover.
Know I shouldn't ask him but it is so disrespectful
