The more you read here the better you will be, you may not feel better exactly, but you will understand that there are people here just like you feeling the same feelings you are. I am no where near a good DB'er, but I try. Right now, I am floating, just going with the flow until I decide it is time for me to rock the boat. You just do it day to day. Don't worry about tomorrow, focus on you today! I still have problems concentrating. I am working on my Master's degree online, and it kills me to sit at the computer and think about something other than me, H and our M, but you have too!
Take care of yourself Regrets, check out all the many threads that are out here, there are many great resources and wonderful people.
I've been doing ok with the 180 but not sure if he has noticed. It's difficult because he is texting me first all the time. Very basic stuff like what do you want for dinner etc.
Suppose I should worry when he stops that. And he has brought counselling forward at my request and asked me out to lunch although it was very strained. Wondering how it will be after tomorrow. I feel like I'm shutting down outside towards him? does that make sense. Like, maybe he will think what is the point she is not chasing or even caring?
I think too much :-)
Wish I had saved my money on every ebook going and just called a coach.
I realize that not talking to them sort of seems like the wrong thing to do. But the reality of it is if you chase, they are going to run. Think of a mouse running from a cat. The more the cat tries to get the mouse, the crazier the mouse runs and tries to hide. If the cat sits and stalks and is still, the mouse will come closer until there really is no chase and the cat wins. I'm not saying that you will win, there are no guarantees, but chasing will result in running which is the OPPOSITE outcome than what you want in the end.
You have to sort of put that wall up so you can process without wondering what every single thing he does or says means. It is a natural part of the process. I don't know what is in all of those ebooks but... down the road there may be a piece of information or two you will be able to use.
Patience is the key. A friend has been hitting me over the head for months now about how impatient I am and I finally got it a few weeks ago. Probably not as much as I should but...LOL.
What you learn through all of this is for you. Will make you stronger. Like MT said, if he is there and the M survives, that is the bonus. If not, well you will still be ok and maybe even better. And you will be much more prepared for the ups and downs and intricacies of R, with him or someone else. One thing I like to remind everyone here, you are not going to get your old M back and that is ok. If you come through together, you will have a new and hopefully better M.
If you focus on the past, you ruin the future. You can only live for today.
Thank you both. I know I can change my marriage for the better, there is no way I want to risk it again so really it's up to me to show that.
I haven't cried today yet. Feel strange. I'm running through a list of my annoying habits and things I've done to annoy him,not bad just stupid couple stuff. think I've driven him away, then I think how we had such a laugh, ml and cuddles up that whole afternoon before he said it.
I don't ask who he is on the phone to, I always did that (very nosey)
I'm reading dr but it's not sticking or sinking in. Not sure if I'm doing 180, detaching or going dark. Think a mix of them all. somethings working if he asked me out to lunch.
We were planning our holiday last weekend. He is either a very good actor, depressed or I'm BLIND.
This is all sort of fresh and the DR book becomes more like something you have to keep going back to. There is a lot of information, some you can use, some you can't. You aren't going dark if you are still talking. Maybe dim but not dark. My H still lives in the house and we have a sort of "working arrangment" so dim is about as dark as I can go myself.
Yes we all go through the whole "actor" thing. My H could win an academy award someitmes I think. None of this happened overnight whether you think that or not and none of it will change overnight either. Just take it slowly.
If you focus on the past, you ruin the future. You can only live for today.
You're right about not happening overnight, he said it's been gradual. Why didn't he say something then. I'm reading so many threads about how horrible some people's H were and distant and mine wasn't. He really wasn't at all apart from few weeks leading up to business selling.
I can't get my head sorted and I'm churned up thinking he is out there looking for someone else. Feel sick..
