Hi T2..just found your thread..welcome to piecing..if you ever have a free minute come on over and give me your opinion...I jsut read where you said that sometimes you get mad to think the time frame for him coming home is all him..My h will be gone a year this Nov..and I have been waiting for any kind of sign that he wants to work on the m. I am not sitting and holding my life up for that, but other people have said it seems to be about him and what he needs..wants...I think I need to ask him right out..but am afraid of the answers...so we just keep doing our own things.
You seem to know what needs to be said and not said..I did not go all the way back..how long have you been m?
You are on the right path now though. And you even "just barely" avoided Deb's 2 x 4.
So keep that PMA up and enjoy the progress you've made with your H. He really has seemed to turn his focus on you here lately. So give him a few kudos and see if it brings him even closer.
Have a GREAT day tomorrow! I'll check in in the morning.
T2, sorry I'm a little slow to bid you welcome to the neighborhood, but glad you can join us here just the same ... and I just caught up on your thread here.
Quoting Trying24now: During dinner he asked if I had any "running around to do in the area ...
In later posts it never came back up again, but could this have been a back door type of invitation? Might he been unsure if he should ask directly if you want to join on the errand to Lowes?
Quote: Might he been unsure if he should ask directly if you want to join on the errand to Lowes?
Well, I discussed the entire mind spiral with him the next day and stupid ME, that is exactly what he said. He wanted ME to say I'd come along but HE thought I was only there for the meal and that's it. HE ASSumed I was intent on going home afterwards...Guess this was another example of how well we DON'T read each other's mind. T2
I've had a wonderful visit over on Sage's thread where I "listened to her" speak for me in several of her posts. It is truly amazing how so many of us think and feel exactly the same way through this process. It's very comforting to know that someone does TRULY understand what we're saying.
I didn't see my H today, but I spoke to him on the phone a few times and I even sent him an e-mail thanking him for the books and thanking him for the way he's been treating me lately, making a tremendous effort to make me feel special to him once again. It's been really good for my heart and mind these 'simple' things he's done and I wanted to be sure he knew that I was grateful for his efforts.
I've had such a good and confident day, I haven't had one like this in a very very long time. Tonight he worked late, and I hadn't heard from him since mid afternoon. NORMALLY I would have high tailed it into the UGH OH mood, but I didn't.
I actually found myself saying, gee, he must be busy at work to not have called me yet. NOT one old "fear" got a chance to creep into my PMA because instead of festering in destructive 'old thoughts'... I picked up the phone and called him at work. He was happy I'd called and said he'd been so busy he'd let the time get away from him. He said our son came by to visit him at work around 6pm and that they'd had a nice visit. He told me about all the stuff he'd taken care of at work today and that he'd be finishing up soon and heading out to grab a quick bite to eat before heading to his place for the night. He thanked me for the e-mail I'd sent, saying it was really nice and should he have sent a written response or was it okay just to thank me for it. How nice that he cared how to respond in a way that I would feel good about it.
Knowing he'd put in a long day, I told him I'd let him go so he could finish up and get his dinner and he said, "Thanks, I love you and I'll call you as soon as I get to my place."
Thanks to my friends on this board, I'm working very hard at SEEING all the little and the big positives and celebrating them INSTEAD of bitching that there aren't more, or different ones or whatever.
Thanks gang FOR REMINDING ME TO LOOK AT WHAT I HAVE and TO BE GRATEFUL FOR IT T2
Hey T2~ There were sooo many positives in your last post--you are really making me smile!!!!
The emails were good, you felt CONFIDENT, you didn't feel the "fear" about where he was (one of my least favorite feelings....) etc.....great news!!!
Quote: It is truly amazing how so many of us think and feel exactly the same way through this process. It's very comforting to know that someone does TRULY understand what we're saying.
I think you said something similar to this on Deb's thread when you said we all feel each other's pain. What we are going through is alike in many ways, yet different in other ways. We are all in this together...it is especially wonderful to able to share postives with you right now!!!!
Happiness is like a butterfly: the more you chase it, the more it will elude you, but if you turn your attention to other things, it will come and sit softly on your shoulder.... (thoreau)
T2, I wish you would take a moment to visit my thread. I am just waiting, waiting. Don't know if I should be calling my H or what. He is with the OW, says he loves her, says he wants a D and will file soon. So, I don't call him, but will talk to him if he calls or emails. I really don't know what to do. He is in full MLC and really doesn't care who thinks what about him. He has alienated friends and collegues and has one friend and OW that he talks to. My two boys don't want to talk to him. I guess I have adopted an "I'm moving on" attitude... but I don't really feel that way. I feel like a piece of trash, thrown away. Anyway, any thoughts, help, etc. will be appreciated. I'm over on MLC forum.
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
T2, Glad we could help you "see". You're doing great! I'm so happy for you. I'm in a new stage now, as my H is running around going down cheeseless tunnels! Heck I was running after him and got sick and tired of it. Now I'm going down another tunnel and even though it may mean H and I are not going in the same direction...I can't be there for him right now and I don't want to be caught in his miserable life. So I'm heading in another direction for now. I think we have to reach this point eventually; detaching is better for us, maybe not our M but it is something we ALL have to do at some point. You are past that and on a new journey; piecing your R with your H. I'll be here to help you along. I'm glad I have you as a friend here! Deb
