Oops it's almost midnight so I better get my post in before it's tomorrow's post

Today I was a bad girl...sort of.

I went out last night and had a great time with some co-workers. I didn't miss H for a minute and completely enjoyed the time I was having. I purposely left my cell phone in the trunk of my car because I knew that he'd be calling me and I wasn't going to answer (while I was out in a pub) anyway.

I didn't bother to tell him I was going out with friends when he told me he'd be busy last night getting the bike ready and stuff, because I no longer keep him "informed" of my constant whereabouts. I know it's a childish sort of "payback" for all the months he felt what/where/and who he was with was none of my business, so I've decided to "use" a little of what "worked for him" to let him see first hand how it feels. HE NEVER comes out and asks me directly who I was with OR what I was doing, he's far more subtle than that. He'll say, "I called you twice last night. Did you go shopping." (as if to imply I couldn't possibly have a social life) so when he asked that today I very casually and confidently said, "No, I was out with friends." He looked at me and I could see something come across his eyes but I'm not sure what it was. In any event, he didn't ask any follow-up questions.

The fact that he doesn't always bugs me a little (I know, paradox!) because I ASSume it means he wouldn't care if I was with another man or eating Chinese food with my mom. I also get that little twinge like he figures, "Hey, I can't ask her what she's up to because I don't want her asking ME what I'm up to when she's not around." So it's a weird game altogether anyway.

Well...todays positives

H: Positives?
called this afternoon and asked me to meet him at the Cracker Barrel for dinner. During dinner he asked if I had any "running around to do in the area (like go to the dry cleaners or supermarket) and I said, 'No.' I then thought he was about to ask if he could come back to the house or something, but he didn't.
After dinner we stood out in the parking lot and talked for a few minutes and then he says, "Well, I have to run over to Lowe's for oil and a blower motor for DS, so I can help him with his side job tomorrow." He didn't ask me to ride over with him or even hint that he wanted me to offer to tag along, so after an uncomfortable momentary silence, I said, "Well, guess I'll let you run your errands." And he said, "Okay, I'll call you later." I said, "Fine." He says, "Is that okay? Is it okay?" I know I have my puffed up "YOU'RE DISAPPOINTING ME" body language/face on again but I say, "Sure." and quickly get in my car. He has me roll the window down and kisses me and says, "Drive safe. ILY." But I didn't even look at him.

I decided I didn't want to go straight home so I went to the bookstore and hung out til 9pm.

He called around 9:30 and I looked at the caller ID and decided that I wasn't in the mood to hear his voice so I didn't answer the call. I know that I did that because I wanted to make him "wonder" where I was AGAIN tonight, but I just couldn't help myself, I can't stand being predictable anymore. And to be perfectly honest, I guess while milling around the book store I was "imagining" that the reason he'd asked me if I had any running around to do and then NOT ask me to go with him to Lowe's made me wonder if he just wanted to be sure the "coast was clear" in the area he'd be doing something (?). PTSD YEP!

Today was not a good DB day for me. Today I was licking old wounds instead. MY BAD