Being content for now.

[kissak]

I have come to realize that i have had enough of my H's back and forths. His indecisiveness is horrible for me.

He decided last night that he wasnt coming home. This time I think its for good. ALthough I still get the "I dont know what the future holds" crap.

He couldnt even bare to tell me to my face. He ran away just like always. Which is ironic because he always accused me of running away.

I do know it was hard for him. I do know he didnt mean to hurt me. I know he didnt want to. But for him it was about making a decision, whether right or wrong. He told me that I deserved more than what he could ever give me. He told me he did love me and that he did care about me.

Even told me that he would always put me first. ??

The good thing is that I do forgive him. He told me he was sorry more times that I can count. He asked for my forgiveness. I told him what kind of person would I be if I didnt forgive you.

But things will never be the same.

I did get him to agree that he wouldnt take the kids around any girlfriends until he had been with the same one for more than 6 months, which really isnt long enough, but at least he agreed. He even asked if that went for me to. Although I dont know what that would matter to him.

Im ok today. Im mad. Upset and angry that I let him suck me back in this time. Im hurt, but not like before. I cant explain it.

I told him that he couldnt do this again.

That I had to stop being his safety net.

He still wants to be friends.

But understands if I dont want to be.

He has no idea what he is in for.

He'll want to come back....again and again.

But I have to be strong enough to say no.

I think I finally am.