Another Wife Rising From The Bomb's Ashes

[Tawnya]

{{V}} I will keep that in mind if and when the opportunity strikes again

My day was really nice hanging out with my stepsister, like I said above. Then had to try to go to bed early with my having to do my long day today..I always do not look forward to those LOL, cause I'm a girl who likes my sleeping in, so today and tomorrow I don't get to do that

I DO have to say it was a little weird talking about my hub to my stepsister, kinda having to rehash some of the stuff that had happened since I haven't had to do that in a while since people that are around me all of the time already know all that..so that was the only "weird" part of my nice evening of catch up So, V..I took a page out of your "book" and before I went to bed I kinda sorted out why it felt weird to talk about it and then went back over some of the events that got me to this point in how I feel about hub at this point in my journey

And again I get back to the realization that I had a man who for many years wasn't happy, off and on he was happy, but more times than not, he wasn't..so I wasn't 100% happy either. We fought constantly, he told me at least 4 times in our marriage that he wanted out, told me there were at least 3-4 times he thought about but didn't act upon (?) other women and who wants that back?? Not me..I want someone that those thoughts don't even go thru their mind or, if they do, we'd talk about them THEN and not just walk away from them or sweep them under the rug..that solves nothing, obviously

So..I need to confess something to you all on the board that I did last week, but have kept to myself. I took my ring off last week as a trial to see how I felt about it, and haven't put it back on and I don't plan to. I know some of you may agree or disagree and you are totally within your rights to do so. But, for me, looking back over the last 21 years, as much as I thought I wanted to hold onto this marriage, I don't want that and I don't know that hub or I could change enough, or should HAVE to change enough, to be the type of marriage that I WANT..I want a man who occasionally (or more than occasionally) wants to be romantic with me..I want a man who will talk to me and not sweep stuff under the rug..I WANT to be a woman who can be romantic too..I want to be a woman who can be a "piler" of stuff if she wants and won't get told it should be neater or not make dinner if I don't want to after I've worked all day without being told I should be better with money..stuff like that

On my way to "loving myself" as Sam and Silva have put it so beautifully, I've decided that, in order to LOVE myself, I am ALLOWED to want all of those things and MORE..to want the "fairy tale" within reasonable expectations..and that is totally okay

Off to work and hope your Friday is WONDERFUL!

Tawnya