So this evening she gave me the whole "I am soooo tired, I'm exhausted, promise you wont bother me again tonight" thing.
The reality is that she has been going to bed a few hours past her bedtime each night this week and it is catching up on her. 30 minutes of interrupted sleep one night is not going to turn her into a zombie the way she is complaining it did. I just kept my mouth shut and did all the things that needed doing: picked up dinner, put gas in her car, cleaned the living room, did all the dishes, gave D4 a bath and got her ready for bed. W couldn't really say much since all she had to do was eat, wash up, and go to bed.
Before she went upstairs I asked her to do the 5LL quiz. Looks like I was off on my assessment. She scored extremely high in acts of service and high in words of affirmation, medium in QT, low in physical touch and practically nothing in gifts (1/12). No wonder she basically tossed my gifts aside and showed no appreciation in the past. That would really hurt my feelings. While doing the quiz she said "you never get me gifts so I had a difficult time with this question". I said "gifts must not be that important to you, since you don't recall the things I have given you". I have given her something every birthday, xmas, anniversary, mothers day, and valentines day, return from business trips, and many more in the past 8 years. She has a patchy record with me, I don't think I've received a birthday gift from her for a few years now. Yet, still her recollection is that I never give her anything.
I scored highest in physical touch, and only 1 point less was words of affirmation. Quality time matched hers: (6/12) average. I was lowest in acts of service and gifts. My scores were well aligned with how I thought I was as I read through the book.
What does this tell me? Well, I need to look at acts of service as a way to tell her I love her. This means finding things to do for her that she doesn't expect me to do. Putting gas in her car without her asking me to is one I have been doing that I never did before. Words, this is huge for me, I can definitely do more here, plus it's free and easy to do. She did tell me she feels loved, and lately bragged to her co-workers that she hasn't had to clean a toilet since we got married.
I don't want anyone to think things are unfair though, we have an agreement in place that is very fair to me. W is far from spoiled princess status.
Spellfire aka Mike
"Women do not like controlling men. They respect and are attracted to men who control themselves. They ultimately are repelled by men who allow themselves to be controlled." -S&A
