OK, first things first.... get the idea that you ruined it out of your head! Replay the main elements of the situation, and think about how ridiculous that sounds!
Number two, the "what if" game will drive you crazy. Take care of you, you, and you. That's who you are here to save.
When the ground is stable under you, he may have a different view of you. But do it for you.
ok guys I am trying to get a timeline here and try to at least tell where my xh may be at in this, if....its a MLC
First of all a little history of his family. My xh has 3 brothers and 1 sister, whom have ALL left their spouses behind, with the exception of his sister and she came back after a few days. The family was held together, from what I know, by the Dad. The dad past away around 6 months before I came along. He died, from what I know, in the er of a heart attack or blood clot, not sure. When this happend, the older brother joined the army, the sister got married and one brother/which was adopted/left. That left my xh and his little brother with their mother. Shortly they moved to my town and we met a few weeks later. The first night I met my xh, he asked me to dance and told me he was going to marry me.lol He was drinking a little, so I ignored him and didnt think he would even remember me the next day. Well he did, he called the next day and we took it from there. 6 months later, we married...six months later we got pregnant. Our first and only son. We lived with his mother until I insisted on moving out. She then moved beside us. My xh and his mother were very close. A few years later she died of leukemia. Woke up one morning sick and lived 1 year later. I loved her so much, and so did my xh. He held her hand til the end. I felt soooo sorry for him. He didnt really cry much, he held his feelings in alot, as he always has. He lost both parents at an early age. I think they were both in their forties and both unexpected to die. From there on out it was me, my xh and son at holidays, because I wasnt close to my family. On Christmas we would visit my aunts but other than that, it was pretty much us 3 most of the time. We would have been married 20 years in April of this year. Now skip ahead a few years until around 2006 when my xh became a police officer. My xh was always VERY confident, and becoming a police officer just increased it. He sometimes brought his attitude home with him, but I ignored him. One time I saw him on stop and I parked and listened to him talk to the person. He screamed at him because I guess the guy was lying or something, but my xh voice sounded the same as when he yelled at me or my son. I realized then he brought it home with him sometimes. Dont get me wrong, my xh was a kind hearted person when he wanted to be, he also was a Fire Chief (lots of authority there), and he loved to save lives and make a difference in the world. Lots of people came to know him and depend on him in both careers (fire dept. was volunteer though). He had alot on his shoulders, but seemed to like it. People would call him constantly needing something, but my xh seemed to like being depended upson. He sometimes would brag about people needing him. His personality is one that is VERY confident and knows it all. He will argue with you until you see it his way. (My son is the same, GOD help me.) Anyway he was in charge of alot, and what did I do, I stood by his side. I never, and I promise, well hardly ever complained about him being away from home so much. Add fishing into the mess and he was pretty content with his life. We didnt have the best of everything, but we were blessed. My xh was a very hard worker, sometimes even jobs beside this on the side. When he asked for something, I felt he deserved it, so he got it. Never once, that I can remember him asking for anything he didnt get, even in the bedroom! After my xh became a police officer is when I had a few spurts of distrust. A couple things happened with phone calls and such, nothing really major.*at least I dont think* I started seeing the "flirty" side of him alot during this time. BIG GUY on the force, so to speak!lol We had our little moments, like everyone else, yelling then make up sex. Around 2005 I caught a girl calling my husband. I could never prove anything because it was police related. Now that I think of it, it could have been more, but I couldnt prove it, so I let it go. He promised me it wasnt anything. Around 2007-beg. 2008 is when I REALLY noticed changes (of course didnt really realize it then as much). His best friend on the force with him retired. This guy always had my xh's back on anyting job related. From their on he had a "carefree" attitude when it came to his job. My xh was around 39 at this time. Due to his attitude he LOST HIS JOB!!!! That is when the most changes took place. In 2008 he lost his job, just prior to this he started working out like crazy and taking diet pills. Said he wanted to get in better health. He had surgery on his shoulder a year or so before that, and his shoulder always hurt him and still does. He started staying at the fire dept alot. Complained alot about things it seemed. He started, in my opinion, paying more attention to the way he looked. I also, a couple times caught him looking on the computer for a old schoolmate (female), I am pretty sure he dated her at one time. I also think he was looking at women.... possibly dating sites, but dont know, because those sites come up alot on the computer anyway. I was looking at the internet sites he was going to when I noticed them, so not so sure about them. At this time he started saying sex was "overrated" and sex wasnt everything. Dont know what was up with that. We still had sex but he started saying that, I think this started right before losing job in 2007 (the end of 07 I think). I stayed up late at night because I worked 3rd shift some and I slept during the day. He said once he was tired of being alone, so he left and went to the fire dept. (I just thought that was an excuse to not be at home). My xh finally got a job as a maint. man at a nursing home. He worked 3rd shift for around 3 or 4 months. During this time, he started having trouble at the fire dept. and resigned as chief. Something he always LOVED! Due to the time he was off work, we were having a hard time paying for our home, so we decided to sell it. He moved 20 years worth of stuff into a rental home. Shortly after my husband went to 1st shift, became a supervisor and started working longer hours. He warned me before hand that he would be staying later at work. During this time my mom died (also of leukemia). My husband worked EVERY day during the wake and furneal. He only worked half a day, but I needed him. His boss told him to take off, I know she did, but he didnt. He supported me during the funeral and after. 3 weeks after my mom passed away we decided to moved back into our home and keep it. After being out of it ONLY 3 months or so. We moved again 20 years worth of stuff back to our home. One afternoon, on lunch break, I came home to check on xh....he was painting our home. He seemed fine at first, hugged me and so forth. While talking with him his cell phone rang, but he looked at it but wouldnt answer it. I asked him why and so forth. He said BLAH BLAH BLAH, and then finally he dropped the BOMB! I love you but not in love with you and I am very close to cheating. I want out! Ok, guys you know the rest.....routine routine....just like everyone else's story. Sorry so long, but I wanted to get everything in. NOW do you still think he is in MLC?
Sunshine...I can tell you, you will drive yourself crazy trying to figure this all out.
Ive been trying for over 2 years and still dont have a clue why this has happened.
It may be MLC, it may not. But you need to take care of you.
Im just beginning to realize that this day!
Take Care.
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
what is the difference in a WAS and a MLC spouse? I thought they were the same until recently. We are divorced but I have Faith in GOD! I am thankful to him every day of my life!
Guys I know this is against the rules, or at least I think it is. I know I shouldnt but I looked at the ow myspace page today and it has "loved by him" on it. I hadnt talked to my xh since court on Monday, so its been around 4 days. I dont call him anymore or drive by his house like I did. I broke down and called him and told him that I was doing everything possible to get along with him on top of having financial difficulties. He was KIND and sincere and asked me what the page said. He said he has NEVER told her this and she was just trying to get at me. I told him not to say anything to her that I just wanted him to know what she was doing. I told him, as I cried, that I was VERY sorry for the way I handled things in the beginning and I just wanted to get along with him. He said its ok that was the past, I will talk to you in couple days, it ok. He was REALLY NICE and I thank GOD for our conversation. It may have been wrong to call him but it helped me, and when hes nice this way, I get to see the real man I married.
they lie....they cheat...they spend...todays order....tomorrow that will be different. please beleive nothing he tells you.....DONT call him....
My H said when I asked if he loved her "we dont have that kind of R" riiiiiggghhhttt. That was after he he stook her to a resort for labor day weekend. snooping I found a letter where she was saying how she loved him saying he loved her when they were with people by sneeking it in when no one could see....OUCH!
they lie they cheat they spend
Me 53 H 51 OW 25 Bomb may 06 left june 8/ 06 ILYBNILWY (twice!) 7/6/07 H wants to come home 7/21/07 H comes home 7/07 -7/08 long haul letting go of OW now piecing in earnest
Renee, STOP CALLING YOUR H! You can't believe a thing that comes out of his mouth right now. He's going to tell you what you want to hear. The ow's page is her page and if she knows or even has an idea that you are reading it, she's going to do everything in her power to push your buttons. Do you know what she's doing? She's putting stuff out there, knowing you are going to read it and then call your h. She knows that your h gets very aggravated w/your phone calls...so what does she do....SHE SETS YOU UP! Stop calling him and stop reading that page. It's doing you no good.
I wouldn't be the least bit surprised if he's not telling her everything you said about that page. Renee, it's hard, but you are addicted to your h. You've got to break the habit...no calls unless it's an absolute emergency. Find things to do that will keep you from calling him. Find a hobby, get out and meet people. You can do this at a coffee shop, a book store or at some concert, exhibit, etc. But, you've got to break you addiction. If you don't, you are going to push him even further away and that means, you've given him all of the jusitification he needs to stay out on the street.
Dig deep and find the person that you were prior to marrying him. I know you can do this, I also know you can find other things to do besides reading her page and calling him. Remember, she will do everything in her power to push your buttons so that you screw up and she looks like the winner in all of this. Don't give her that power!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Renee that is the #1 choice of all MLCers I got it 2x!
that is the key for you to know to stay away!!!!! Jump off the roller coaster. Have you read the MLC resources yet? MLC for Dummies?
Me 53 H 51 OW 25 Bomb may 06 left june 8/ 06 ILYBNILWY (twice!) 7/6/07 H wants to come home 7/21/07 H comes home 7/07 -7/08 long haul letting go of OW now piecing in earnest
