Still getting nowhere fast....

[lost-n-Iowa]

Sorry I have not gotten back on here for this week...my oldest daughter has been sick this week with the strep throat. Well the update for the latest things goes like this:

On Monday I was able to cash my h's check and get the money that he owed me so I gave him back his card. I still feel like I was betrayed since he gave me his word on soemthing and then took it back and I still feel like I have lost faith in my H and in my M. I tried to talk to my H about this but he did not seem to understand what I was talking about. He said that since I got what I wanted then the issue was over with and all I should be feeling was happy since I got what I wanted. I don't think he will ever undestand that I am not as materialistic (?) as he is and I don't care as much as he does about money and prestige. Anyway, on Tuesday he decided that he wanted to got to work with me so that he could spend some extra time with me before he left. (At my job I am able to take my husband and kids with me when I want or if I need to) I did not say no to the idea of him going with me becasue I did not want to cause any trouble, though I really did not want to spend time with him. Is that wrong of me to feel that way?

We had an a pretty decent day together. But that night he got upset with me about something that he did not think that I had done with our horses right so I got upset and decided to sleep on the couch, well this upset him even more because it was 'his last night home and I knew what he was expecting on his last night'. I have been told that I am to 'put out' on the day he gets home, on the day he leaves, and any thing in between is a bonus. (Yeah whatever)

So the next day, the day that he is leaving, is a day off of work for me because I have Girl Scout Cookies coming in and a doctor's appointment for my oldest and early out from school and he is huffing and puffing because I did not fill my wifely duties the night before. In the end I out out so that he would shut up and leave me alone and also because in the back of my mond I keep thinking that if I don't he will find someone who will. Which I have been told by him in the past. Remember he has cheated on me before.

I am confused. How can some one want to be intimate with thier significant other when they are treated like crap and when they are EXPECTED to be that way? Does any one else have to put up with this? I know that I dont' have to put up with it and plenty of you will tell my that...but I have done it like this for so long that I am worried that he would cheat again. All because I don't have much trust in my H anymore.

Anyway, now that he has been gone since Wednesday, I am less stressed about him being around. He has called me about 3 times a day just to say hi. I would like to think that he is sucking up because he knows that he has wronged me but I just wait for the slap in the back of the head when I think that way. He is the type of man that thinks that sex makes everything better and when I have fullfilled my duties after a fight then the fight is over with and it doesn't matter about your emotional feelings as long as your physical feelings are feeling good. I get so frustrated by this.

As the pattern will go...we will be okay for another day or so, then the weekend will get here and he will get upset when he finds out that I am not sitting on the couch and that I have gone out with my parents and friends. Then we will argue. Then he will say or do something nice and we will be fine for a little bit. Then he will get mad at me when I tell him that I am not staying home next weekend and have plans then too. We will fight again. Oh, don't forget he will call when I am out and will say stupid things to me which is usually his attempt to ruin my evening since I went out when he was not home. (We never go out when he is anyway). Then we will be fine, then he will be coming home and he will start a fight the day before he leaves to come home so that I will be mad when he gets here. THe pattern repeats itself every damn time!!!

Any ideas???????